NY finds plenty of romance

When it comes down to it, it only takes two to Tango, and your girl New York decided she… When it comes down to it, it only takes two to Tango, and your girl New York decided she couldn’t take a Chance.

Nor has VH1 taken any throughout the course of their show, “I Love New York.”

Following the tried and true formula of “Flavor of Love” to the very end, “I Love New York” resulted in the rational choice of Tango as a mate for the typically irrational reality TV heroine New York, leaving Chance’s proclaimed love unrequited.

“I Love New York” was created as a spin-off to the entertaining reality show “Flavor of Love,” in which rapper Flava Flav sought a girlfriend out of a pack women who were, mostly, certifiably insane gold diggers. Tiffany Patterson, dubbed New York by Flav, fought her way to the final two in both season one and two, leaving a pack of angry, resentful and sometimes injured girls in her wake, only to lose both times.

The solution was simple – make a show where New York could pick a man from a house full of men who were, mostly, equally insane and seeking temporary celebrity. The components were all the same. New York sent the pack of irrational suitors out to complete different challenges and eliminated the ones that didn’t “have love for New York.”

It came down to complete opposites Tango and Chance. Tango was sweet – even whiny or sappy – and seemed like he would treat New York well. Sister Patterson, New York’s devout and judgmental mother, even came to like him.

Chance was vulgar, irrational and even borderline abusive. He was easy to hate, and it wouldn’t make sense for any rational woman to date him, which is why he made perfect sense for New York and why the show’s end was so unfulfilling.

From the first episode to the final elimination, the show felt like a cheap mirror of its “Celebreality” predecessor. New York never made her reasons for eliminating her suitors believable, and it seemed from the beginning that she was going to pick Chance.

In the finale, New York took both Chance and Tango on vacation, where she went out for an entire day with each of them, culminating in a romantic dinner and, following in Flav’s footsteps, an invitation back to her room. Finally, she had to make a teary and labored decision between “what her heart wants” and “what her heart needs.”

Based on her choice, it seemed like her brain needed to remain irrational or her purse wanted to maintain the chance of another season and another check by picking the wrong guy. After all, that’s how we got “Flavor of Love” season two.

New York had plenty of chances to pick a rational and sweet guy. Whiteboy treated her well and won challenges consistently. Real, Chance’s brother, was a nice guy with a religious zeal that Sister Patterson found charming.

Even the emotionally unbalanced Romance seemed to love New York unconditionally, though he did compare her to his much-lamented, recently deceased teacup poodle, Princess.

Saddest of all, Mr. Boston was the nicest guy of them all and actually seemed naive enough to believe that he could end up with New York if he just treated her like gold.

But the problem isn’t that she didn’t pick Mr. Boston. It isn’t that she didn’t pick any of the nicer guys who were a little less lame than Tango. If she had, she just would have treated them like dirt and made them as crazy as she is.

The problem is that Chance was the only one who actually had any chance of staying with New York.

The resulting elimination didn’t even make good television. Instead of being emotional or compelling, it seemed as awkward and as forced as her other eliminations and her obviously scripted testimonials.

The final consolation lies in the fact that if things don’t work out, then we get to see another spin-off full of people crazier than most of us. Hopefully the next spin-off, “Flavor of Love Girls’ Charm School,” will feature less scripting and more of what those girls are good at – spitting on each other and throwing each other around by the hair.