Keep it classy and don’t blow off your friends

I’ve always believed that your word is one of the most valuable things you have. If you say… I’ve always believed that your word is one of the most valuable things you have. If you say you’re going to do something, you should do it.

I used to think that most people also felt this way – that plans are plans. But not anymore. I’ve been blown off one too many times to continue to believe that honoring your word is a priority to most.

Just like burns, blowoffs exist in three degrees. A first-degree blowoff is when two or more people have definitive plans and someone backs out. The more severe second-degree blowoff occurs when the back-outer informs the back-outee of the back out at the last minute, leaving the back-outee with little or no time to make alternate plans. The worst type of blowoff – those of the third degree – occur when the back-outee learns of the back out only because they haven’t heard from and can’t get a hold of the back-outer.

Third degree blowoffs are unarguably the most severe, as they are particularly embarrassing. In today’s day and age, it’s nearly impossible to completely shut yourself off – we’re practically always connected and accessible. So, depending on one’s desperation level, there are a multitude of ways we can get in touch with someone whom we have plans with: We can continually call her cell phone and leave messages, send texts, send IMs and Facebook messages and leave wall posts. So if someone manages to ignore me after all that, I have no choice but to assume that she really didn’t want to hang out with me.

There are two main reasons why people blow off other people. The first is that they simply don’t feel like doing anything. Maybe they’re tired from a long day of work and a movie in bed is way more appealing to them than a night out at the bar. The good thing about these plan-breakers is that they’re honest. Even with their honesty, however, they still lack the important ability of sucking it up.

We’ve all been tired and have had moments where all we wanted to do was hop in our pajamas and relax. But sadly, fatigue isn’t an excuse for breaking plans. Also, there have been several times when I went out beyond my wishes and ended up being so happy that I did.

The second group of plan-breakers is more malicious. These people break plans because something better comes up. I had a friend from home who would only ask me to do stuff when she had nothing else to do. If somebody “cooler” or more popular made themselves available, she weaseled her way out of our plans, leaving me only with pathetic excuses that we both knew were lies. When she went to college, she had trouble meeting real and true friends. I guess what goes around comes around.

There are, of course, some reasons in which it’s appropriate and understandable to break plans, and I’ve managed to identify three. First, breaking plans for unforeseen circumstances is certainly excusable. For example, if you must break plans with your friends because you learn that your family or good friend from another school is coming to town, you surely can’t be faulted for that. Sicknesses or injuries also fall into this category.

Second, if you have to blow someone off – and it’s the only or one of the few times you’ve done so, it’s OK. Sometimes we aren’t in the mood or down in the dumps, and in these cases, we probably wouldn’t be much fun to be around anyway. As long as it’s a rarity, it should be gotten over easily and not considered rude.

The third and final time in which not following through is understandable is when plans are made while at least one of the parties is intoxicated. Drunk plans – and most drunk conversations – can’t be taken seriously. If the plans are confirmed when all parties are sober, however, they’re binding.

I don’t want to seem as though I’ve never broken plans or blown someone off. But I would like to think that we would all put in a certain amount of effort to honoring our commitments – even if that means sucking it up from time to time for the sake of someone else.

I just don’t understand why, when people aren’t sure about plans, they’re not honest about it by simply saying, “I’m not sure about Friday” rather then, “Definitely. Friday sounds great.” I think most people would rather know of that uncertainty when plans are being discussed than be blown off later after plans have been made.

But one thing is certain: How upset can we get when the same people keep blowing us off? What makes us think that this time will be different, that this time they’ll keep their word? If we really can’t trust them, we should cease to make plans with them. We should adapt the old “fool me once” expression to say, “Blow me off once, shame on you. Blow me off twice, shame on me.”

E-mail Anjali at amn17@pitt.edu.