Cupid is stupid, forget about V-Day

Admit it, you’re reading this column because you have a bit of doubt about the idea of… Admit it, you’re reading this column because you have a bit of doubt about the idea of Valentine’s Day. We’re here to assure you that, unless you’re the CEO of Hallmark, it’s OK to think that this so-called holiday is pretty lame and overrated. Here are some of our thoughts, along with suggestions for how to enjoy today, whether you’re single or tied down.

LA: The notion of Valentine’s Day is engrained in us from a very young age, yet we never seem to gain any real knowledge about where the holiday comes from. The reason we celebrate on Feb. 14 is because the Roman Catholic Church decreed it as the holy day of Saint Valentine. There are many stories about how this day became a huge love fest, but it seems to have become popular in North America in the 19th century when a British settler decided to start making pretty cards and selling them. That’s it. Because Esther Howland wanted to mass-produce cards, I had to bring a valentine to every kid in my elementary school class, including the ones who sang the “Free Willy” theme song when I walked my chubby self onto the school bus.

LERCH: What about those freaking candygrams in high school? I had braces, equipped with neon rubber bands. Nobody was ever gonna send me a candygram. And where is that money going anyway? You pay a dollar for a scrap of paper and a red heart lollipop to be strewn onto someone’s desk, inevitably making the less popular kids feel like crap.

LA: Now I have to be honest and admit that I’ve had my share of fabulously romantic V-Day’s, but I really think that regardless of your relationship status, it’s a pretty pointless excuse for a holiday. Let’s look at it from a single perspective first. No matter how old you are, you are naturally going to feel a bit blue if people around you are experiencing overwhelming amounts of love and affection and you are alone (and by the way, I assure you, you aren’t really alone).

LERCH: But to the single folks out there, don’t let it get you down. It’s pretty much a sucky day for people in relationships, too. First off, it puts a big dent in your bank account. According to a 2005 Valentine’s Day Consumer Intentions and Actions Survey, the average consumer spent $97.27 on Valentine’s Day, with more than $13 billion spent nationally. Besides that monetary strain, the holiday itself can cause temporary stress on a relationship, especially for a guy. If you really care about a girl, you’re going to spend a lot of time agonizing over the perfect gift, even if she tells you that a card and your undying affection are enough.

LA: And even if a guy puts in a ton of effort, what happens when the sexy lingerie he picked out is three sizes too small because he doesn’t want you to think that he thinks that you’re a bigger size? You’re pretty much forced to strut around self-consciously with your love handles hanging out because you feel guilty that he tried so hard.

LERCH: Also, some guys put effort into the holiday for the wrong (but oh-so-right) reasons. If you aren’t in a truly committed, loving relationship, it should be a red flag to the women when a guy goes over the top in the gift department. Many guys have the attitude that the better the gift, the more action they are going to get in the bedroom. While I’m definitely not opposed to getting freaky between the sheets on Valentine’s Day by lighting a Naughty Night massage candle and playing R. Kelly’s “Bump N’ Grind,” a girl might not think that sounds particularly romantic. You still have to put in some genuine effort here. Though we may have some doubts with the point of this day, it does not imply that the majority of women will be OK with the idea of skimping on gifts or a celebration. If you are in some type of relationship, you have to realize that a girl is going to get pissed if you don’t acknowledge it.

LA: I agree to some extent, but the whole point is that the holiday itself just seems too forced. Of course it feels great to give and receive gifts, but you have to try to think outside the box of chocolates here. If someone truly cared about me, I’d like to hear it more than once a year and hope that it’d be worth more than a $2.99 card from CVS and a box of Russell Stover’s. For instance, I have a friend who makes it a rule with her boyfriend that they only give each other homemade gifts for Valentine’s Day, which I support wholeheartedly. These kinds of gifts are so much more meaningful.

LERCH: If you love and care about someone, it should be an emotion that is expressed anytime you so desire. You should be giving and receiving love because you feel it, not because Hallmark is telling you that it’s expected. There does not need to be a day that forces you to profess this feeling; feel free to shout it from the rooftops every day if you want to. And it shouldn’t take a piece of expensive jewelry to realize that someone truly cares about you.

LA: Gifts and sentiments really do mean so much more if they aren’t just there to show that you’re fulfilling your duties in a relationship. Regardless of your relationship status, you should still have a blast today, as well as every other day, because life is just too damn short. If you’re in a relationship, don’t stress over the holiday. Cook your significant other a fabulous dinner, make her a collage or order her favorite takeout and rent a fun movie. Money can’t buy love, but thoughtfulness and effort will certainly sweeten any relationship.

LERCH: If you are single, don’t sweat it. I guarantee that you won’t find love hiding in that carton of Ben ‘ Jerry’s. Host a party for your cool single friends. Go to the bar and take some shots in honor of other things that happened on Feb. 14, like the founding of The League of Women voters in 1920 or the day that Oregon became a state in 1859. If you aren’t a big partier, sit at the store with those great friends of yours and watch guys agonize over finding the “perfect” card – you’ll be sure to get a good laugh.

Send e-valentines to pittnewslword@gmail.com.