Female friendships can come without cattiness

It’s not uncommon for a college freshman to request a new roommate or to move out of her… It’s not uncommon for a college freshman to request a new roommate or to move out of her dorm room because her roommate is too messy, loud or inconsiderate. For my friend from high school – who has changed roommates more than five times in her three-and-a-half-year college career – the reason for switching is quite different. She claims that she simply doesn’t like girls and prefers to only be friends with guys.

This is, surprisingly, not unusual. Many women seek the friendship of men only. Some claim that women are too catty, while others claim that they’re so pretty that other women don’t like them because they’re jealous. It’s likely, however, that women who offer such claims are either catty themselves, too lazy to do the work of truly getting to know other women or are disliked for other more substantial reasons.

While women do have a nasty reputation of being catty, which sometimes holds true – remember “Mean Girls” – it would be absurd to deem all women incapable of building female friendships on the grounds that some women are catty. An equivalent stereotype burdening men is that they’re bad listeners. I don’t hear many men claiming that it’s impossible to be friends with other men because of it.

Women who think all other women are catty should ask themselves this question: If all other women are too catty, superficial and spiteful to befriend, how is it that I’m the one woman who’s different?

If a woman doesn’t consider herself to be someone with those negative characteristics, wouldn’t that mean there are many other women without those characteristics as well? In the case of my friend from high school, I highly doubt that in her school of around 40,000 people, she is the only non-catty woman.

Also, my experiences have taught me that after really getting to know many women, only a minority is too catty to be friends with. I’ve found that more often than not, if I’m nice to girls, they’re nice to me in return. An effort must be made for this to be true. By writing people off solely because of an initial impression or a stereotype, one can miss out on some great friendships. Some of my best girl friends are people who I didn’t think I would ever be friends with initially.

Many people believe that men are generally better at forgiving and forgetting grudges, which is certainly an attractive quality in friendship. Likewise, it’s often thought that it’s women who are better listeners and more sensitive – also attractive qualities for friendship. When women swear off being friends with other women, are they really willing to give up these qualities, just to avoid dealing with the cattiness possessed by only a small group of women? Neither sex is perfect, but both have something unique to offer.

Women who claim that they can’t be friends with other women because of the jealousy they face because of their looks may simply be unwilling to admit more plausible reasons for their lack of friends. Maybe other women don’t like them because they are conceited or condescending. Out of all the reasons why friendships don’t form, I’ve never heard of a girl being too pretty as one of them. If Angelina Jolie isn’t too pretty to have woman friends, Jane Doe surely isn’t.

Perhaps some women prefer the friendships of men because, in a group of men, they don’t feel the need to prove themselves. Maybe around men they can be free to really be themselves without the pressure of being compared to the women they associate with. If this is the case, then it’s their own insecurities that are preventing them from forming healthy relationships with other women, and they’re probably missing out because of it.

While having male friends is great and probably crucial to having well-rounded friendships, excluding the friendship of women will most likely not lead to the greatest fulfillment possible. And, as I’m sure most ladies would agree, there are certain issues only other women can understand and relate to. Maybe some women don’t have female friends because they haven’t reached out or made any efforts, but one thing is certain: No woman is too good for other women, and any woman who thinks otherwise should ask herself if the problem lies not with other women but within herself.

Ladies night is making a comeback. E-mail Anjali at amn17@pitt.edu.