Going home for the holidays

The carols on the radio, decorations in the Cathedral and finals week remind us that the… The carols on the radio, decorations in the Cathedral and finals week remind us that the holiday season is just around the corner. Though often filled with love and cheerful gift-giving, the holidays can also prove to be a bit stressful on relationships. So let us help you determine whether or not it makes sense to bring your sweetheart home for the holidays this year.

LERCH: First, you need to determine whether it is appropriate for this stage of your relationship. It’s a really big deal to bring someone home with you for the holidays. You need to be in a seriously committed relationship to even consider it. In terms of time, it would be six months or longer before I would think about bringing a girl home for Thanksgiving or Christmas, and it definitely wouldn’t be the first time that she’d be meeting my family.

LA: I don’t think that time can make this decision for you. There are certain signs in a relationship that can help you determine whether it makes sense to invite your honey to an important holiday event, regardless of how long you’ve been together. If your significant other is curious about your traditions and has already developed a relationship with your family, or if you’ve discussed past holidays and the possibility of spending future holidays together, then it’s something to consider.

LERCH: There are also some concrete indications that you shouldn’t extend an invitation to your boyfriend or girlfriend. If she hasn’t expressed specific interest in coming home and meeting your extended family, then she’s not ready yet. There are many reasons why that might be the case, but no matter what, you don’t want to invite her if it’s not completely clear that she has a desire to spend the holiday together.

LA: Another important thing to consider is whether or not it’s the right time for this person to be exposed to your entire family. Holiday occasions are typically more than just parents and siblings; you’re throwing grandparents, cousins and crazy Aunt Mildred into the mix as well. Everyone’s family has issues, and if there are things about your family that your date has not yet experienced or been informed about, awkward situations or conversations are likely to arise.

LERCH: You also have to take her family into account. If spending the holiday with you means that she won’t be with her own family, that’s a whole different story. If her Hanukkah dinner falls on the same night as your mom’s eggnog soiree, you shouldn’t put her in the position where she has to choose between the two families. If you get into this situation, don’t be offended or surprised if she chooses her own family.

LA: Beware of someone who is clinging to your holiday traditions in attempt to avoid his own. If you are at the point where you are spending your holidays together, it should be because you love and care about each other, not because your date is using you as an escape.

LERCH: Parental approval can also be a big factor in whether or not you will be together under the mistletoe. It sucks to be in a situation where your parents don’t approve of the person you’re dating, but the holidays might not be the best time to address the issue. Bring it up at a less hectic time of year, because going against your folks’ wishes and bringing her home anyway will put all of you in an uncomfortable position and won’t allow them to see your date in a positive light.

LA: And if your parents aren’t thrilled about the idea of you bringing a date to Christmas Mass, don’t jump to the conclusion right away that it’s because they don’t approve. Some families consider the holidays a time to spend with family only. As much as you feel a connection with a boyfriend or girlfriend, you aren’t technically family until you’ve said “I do.”

LERCH: At the same time, if your significant other doesn’t jump at the chance to escort you on the annual Lerch family sleigh ride, don’t take it personally. Differences in religion, family issues or just simple nervousness can affect someone’s decision to spend the holidays apart. It’s not necessarily a reflection of how she feels about you or your relationship.

LA: Location plays a big role, too, because if you don’t live in close proximity to one another, it’s difficult to make the decision to sacrifice being home for the holidays in order to be together. If circumstances prevent you from sharing a particular day, set aside time before or after break to celebrate together. If you really can’t handle the two weeks of separation, try to meet up at a time and place that works for both of you.

LERCH: And if it doesn’t work out, realize that you’ll be warming each other up soon enough. Don’t let the distance ruin your holiday season. As we’ve said before, sometimes a little space can be a good thing. Regardless of how you end up spending winter break, be sure to make the most of it.