Don’t let your computer do the work — get out and date

I love hearing stories about how people met. My favorite story is how my friend’s parents… I love hearing stories about how people met. My favorite story is how my friend’s parents met: Her dad bumped into the back of her mom’s car. After seeing that there was no damage done to either car, they exchanged phone numbers and the rest is history.

People often meet in the most random ways, furthering my belief that fate brings people together. Other times, people have to make more of an effort to meet other people. Either way, meeting people happens naturally, which is why the concept of personal ads boggles my mind.

Although I find it strange, I’m not opposed to personal ads when they’re used for certain reasons. They’re a great resource for people, mainly older people, who have taken genuine efforts to meet people and are unsatisfied. Many older people who have yet to find someone or have gone through a divorce simply don’t have the energy to get out and about to look for a partner. They’ve probably been there and done that and now just want an easy way to make a connection with someone.

But many young people are now using personal ads as a shortcut. Meeting the right people may be a difficult and long process; no one ever said dating was easy, and frustration is often inevitable. But have we really reached the point of laziness where instead of continuing the search we post ads in hopes that people will just come to us?

I’ve seen several ads posted on Craig’s List from people in their early 20s. When you’re this young, it’s a little too early to conclude that you’re bound to be alone for the rest of your life. These people are still young, energetic and mobile enough to go out there and keep trying, without the aid of personal ads.

Personal ads are also limiting in that people often post very specific qualities they are looking for in a partner, which could cause them to miss out on other great people who don’t fit the exact description.

For example, one man seeking a woman said that the responding women should be 5 feet 7 inches tall or shorter, social drinkers and be thin with athletic builds, but made the point of saying that a few extra pounds are OK.

We all have preferences, but the people posting personal ads are most likely those who don’t meet people easily the conventional way, and by being so selective, they could further reduce their chances of finding someone worthwhile. Also, I’ve noticed that while many people identify with being most attracted to certain types, the people they actually date often don’t fit that “type.”

For example, my friend considers her type to be the dark, handsome Italian type — because those are the guys she’s typically attracted to — but her boyfriend has blond hair, blue eyes and not a trace of Italian blood. Even though he comes nowhere near fitting her type, there’s obviously something about him that she finds attractive.

There’s nothing wrong with claiming to be attracted to a certain type more than others, but there is something wrong with only considering people who meet a certain set of qualities. After all, I think everyone can relate to finding attraction in the most unlikely people after we get to know them. Just think about how many gorgeous people who, you learn their personality, you see that they’re actually quite ugly inside.

With online dating services, like eHarmony, people are relying on computers to find people they are likely to be compatible with. Heaven forbid people actually have real conversations to determine if they have a connection.

The Web site claims to use science as the match maker. Its “compatibility matching system” considers 29 dimensions that attempt to predict potential relationship success. While it may be comforting to some to believe that a computer can tell us who is right for us, in reality, love is often strange and simply unexplainable. Love is something that will probably never be figured out and why should we want it to be?

As sappy as it sounds, I believe there is one person out there for all of us, and if we’re meant to find him, we will. My dad, born and raised in India, was an ocean away from my mom, living in America, for the first decades of their lives. They were meant to be together and fate allowed them to find each other from across the world.

With dating services it’s tempting to let a computer do the work, and with personal ads it’s tempting to sit back and hope the right people come to us. But we shouldn’t be so quick to give up on actually venturing outside of our homes to meet people, the way dating was done before personal ads and online networks. It’s often difficult and takes time, but when it comes to finding Mr. or Mrs. Right, the hard work couldn’t be more worth it.

If you’re looking for Anjali, you won’t find her on Craig’s List. E-mail her at amn17@pitt.edu.