Gaining inches $50,000 at a time? No, thank you

When I think about having kids — in the very far, far future — I often joke that I’d… When I think about having kids — in the very far, far future — I often joke that I’d rather have boys than girls because the thought of raising a girl who behaved remotely like the way I behaved (think of your typical stuck-up, bratty, too-good-for-everyone-else teenager) makes me sick.

But I know that when it comes down to it, I will love and accept any child that I bring into this world, because that’s what parents do, or should do, at least. In an ideal world, parents would consider their children as a blessing and love them just the way they are. But what if your kid is — gasp — short? That changes things.

If your little one is actually too little by your standards, have no fear. Help is on the way! By simply injecting your child once a day for several years with a growth hormone, your child will grow inches, thus avoiding all the hassles of teasing, workplace bias and diminished dating prospects. In short, they’ll have a perfect life. Sure, it may be expensive, if you consider more than $50,000 per inch expensive, but when you think of the alternative — being short — there’s really no other option.

Does this sound as ridiculous to you as it does to me? Unfortunately, it’s not a joke or something you’d find on an infomercial at three in the morning. According to CNN, tens of thousands of parents are using these injections to try to make their children taller. This marks a dangerous trend that is not only a monumental waste of money, but also shows just how worrying the ways of some parents are becoming.

Let’s first address the problems the injection is believed to solve, starting with teasing. Teasing is a natural part of growing up and everyone has most likely teased or been teased at some point. If a kid isn’t teased for being short, he’ll be teased for being a brace-face, a four-eyes, a pimple-face, having a lisp or for something else. Teasing, although it can be hurtful and embarrassing, teaches kids that while sticks and stones may break their bones, they shouldn’t let names hurt them. It teaches them to shrug off unimportant insults from unimportant people, to be stronger, to move on and to be the bigger person. Of course some teasing crosses the line and is unacceptable, but I’m just not convinced that being called a “shrimp” or a “pipsqueak” is something that most kids can’t get over.

Studies have shown that height may play a role in career success and certainly in impressions. That means that shorter people may just have to work a little harder to compensate. Join the club, shorties; most of us are fighting some sort of bias, no matter how minor. And just because someone is short doesn’t mean that he can’t be on the top of the ladder. To exemplify this, one need not look any farther than F.D.R. One of our country’s greatest, most influential and powerful presidents was in a wheelchair.

While some parents think administering the injection will boost their kid’s self-esteem, it actually sends the opposite message: that he is simply not good enough the way he is. Especially when kids are young and impressionable, they should be taught to be comfortable in their own skin. When parents show their kids that they don’t think they’re adequate in their natural state, they’re instilling in their children the exact ideas that they should be teaching them to reject. Bioethicist Lori Andrews said it best when she said, “If the idea is to give your child self-esteem, you should be doing that through your parenting, not through drugs.”

According to CNN medical correspondent Elizabeth Cohen, shortness is now being treated as though it is a disease. Try going up to someone suffering from dwarfism and telling them that, as a 5-foot-6-inch male, you know what they’re going through. Putting shortness in the same league as real medical diseases is utterly despicable.

This also seems to be moving in a creepy direction toward parents designing their children. If we can control and alter our children’s heights, why stop there? Just imagine: “for blue eyes press one, for green eyes press two.” Doesn’t this take away from the true uniqueness every human is blessed with? Doesn’t this take away from the fun of watching your kid grow and change?

Maybe instead of trying to change our physical characteristics to be compatible with what society deems ideal, we should accept the genes our parents gave us regardless of our shortcomings. Otherwise, the people of my generation will be sitting in our rocking chairs one day talking about the good old days when kids actually resembled their parents and were like snowflakes — no two were alike.

Wish you were a little bit taller? E-mail Anjali at amn17@pitt.edu.