Boys need to get emotional

For nearly four years of my life, I worked at a retail store that specialized in selling… For nearly four years of my life, I worked at a retail store that specialized in selling DVDs. This meant that I got to sell anything from obscure “Teletubbies” tapes to the original “Star Wars.” I found that the DVDs that sold the most were the numerous volumes of the “Girls Gone Wild” series. Whenever the person, who was usually a male, came to buy the DVD, he offered me none of the stammering excuses about bachelor parties or presents for a friend that I expected. Whenever a male, however, would buy a romantic movie such as “The Notebook,” I almost always received constant reassurance from him that the movie was most definitely not for himself. He was merely buying it for his mother, his girlfriend, his aunt or any other female relation he could think of. I soon found myself wondering why it was a bigger embarrassment to buy a sappy love story than it was to buy cheap pornography. Then I stumbled upon a Time Magazine article that released the shocking results of a study about adolescents and their romantic relationships.

Professors Peggy Giorando, Monica Longmore and Wendy Manning from Bowling Green State University performed the study over the course of a few years, and it revealed that adolescent boys were not the sex-starved creatures that popular culture portrayed them as. In fact, out of the 1,316 male and female adolescents interviewed, the majority claimed to care very deeply for their significant others.

A majority even said that girls were the ones who held the most power in relationships. Compared to the girls, the boys also reported less confidence and more awkwardness when they dealt with intimate and romantic relationships. The only non-shocking part of the study was when Giordano said that most of the boys did not want to talk about their feelings with their friends or fellow males.

Such a statement is completely unsurprising since it has never been the norm for boys to be open about their feelings. On the off chance that they are, others are quick to call them nicknames such as “sissy” or “mama’s boy.” The new popular term is “emo,” and no one wants to get stuck with that label.

Giordano’s study, however, reveals a well kept secret that perhaps even adolescent boys themselves were unaware of. Sissies aren’t the odd ones; they’re the norm. While there were still boys interviewed who adhered to the macho, player image given to teenage males, they were the minority. Despite this, it is rare to find a boy in any middle or high school who is willing to admit his intimate feelings and sensitivity.

Adolescent boys should never be ashamed of their feelings. Perhaps if they felt more comfortable with being open about their own emotions, some of the other harsh stereotypes given to teenage boys would start to lose their plausibility. Boys wouldn’t be considered the “immature” sex. They’ve also always been dubbed as the more dominant sex, but the study results eschew such a thought when even boys admitted to having less power in their relationships. Knowing that they weren’t alone in such sentiments would allow boys to become more comfortable with themselves and stop acting out to prove that they really are the dominant, macho boys they are expected to be.

There are countless books, movies and TV shows aimed specifically at adolescent girls. Magazines such as Seventeen devote pages upon pages to advice columns where girls can ask all sorts of questions, like how to confess to their crush or what to do on the all-important first date. These sorts of media outlets rarely target boys. The results of Giordano’s study, though, show that advice columns and dating tips may be exactly what teenage boys are missing.

The revelation that feeling awkward or nervous around the girl they like is not a “sissy” feeling could open up talks between boys. If boys start talking about their emotions more openly, they may soon realize that they share similar problems. Girls have fellow teenage girls to help them with relationship problems and broken hearts, because they are more comfortable with discussing such intimate feelings. Boys lack that comfort and are usually on their own when it comes to dating and all of its troubles. Opening up conversations between boys would give them a bigger support system and more confidence.

Popular culture has a heavy influence on the way adolescents view themselves. If there were more romantic comedies that placed the male in the main role, or dating advice columns in magazines aimed at teenage males, perhaps the negative stigma attached to a romantic, sensitive boy would start to disappear. Hopefully one day, an adolescent boy can feel as comfortable and confident as any adolescent girl in naming “The Notebook” as his all-time favorite movie.

All sissies, mama’s boys and emo kids can e-mail Shannon at slb46@pitt.edu.