No such thing as too many friends

I’ve got friends in low places.

I also have friends in high places, far away places and in… I’ve got friends in low places.

I also have friends in high places, far away places and in my place right now.

I went home this past weekend to find that one of my best friends from high school is engaged to be married. Exciting, right? Except when I found out that her wedding is next month and I’m not invited.

Obviously, my superb dancing skills may hinder just about anyone from inviting me to share the biggest day of her life. Sometimes I just have to bust a move, and it doesn’t matter if it’s your day to be the center of attention or not. What can I say? My dance is expression.

But seriously, I was bummed. We went through a lot together growing up. It got me thinking about how friendships evolve and just how different these relationships can be.

As human beings, we need friends in order to reach life’s ultimate goal: happiness. Friends allow us to live, in Aristotle’s terms, the “good life.” Aristotle divided friendship into three categories: friendships based on utility, friendships based on pleasure and friendships based on the good in each other.

The first two categories are incomplete relationships. Friends based on utility are those that you somehow benefit from. While it’s great to have someone from whom you can borrow the notes you missed in class, you wouldn’t ask him if the funky bump on your middle toe looked dangerous.

Friends based on pleasure are the ones that will hold you up for a keg stand, but won’t hold your hand when you lose your first love. Sure, they’ll buy you that “Three Wise Men” shot on your 21st birthday, but they won’t be around to hold your hair back when you’re worshiping the Porcelain God of No Fun later that night.

Friendships based on the good in each other are the relationships we ultimately desire. We spend our lives seeking these people out, often realizing that these friends can’t be actively sought. Instead, they fall into our lives unexpectedly through a myriad of places and faces. These are the friends that you can party with, study with and cry with when you and Mr. or Ms. Right Now break up, get back together and break up again.

I met one of my roommates the first day of our freshman year at Pitt. I sat near her in our first class and wondered if she knew just how crazy her hair looked. I just wanted to touch it. I went to my next class, and so did she. I went to my third class, and so did she. We discovered that we lived only a floor apart in Tower B. It was fate.

Natasha and I have been through everything together in college. In fact, people often refer to her as my other half. Recently, we were at a company waiting for internship interviews when the CEO came out and asked us to come into his office together. That’s right. We were interviewed together. Believe it or not, we were both offered a position. Point being – I can touch her hair whenever I damn well please now. But really, neither of us expected to find one another when we did.

The Greek term for friendship, “philia,” actually encompasses a different concept of the relationship than the English word. Our definition tends to refer to social acquaintances, while Aristotle’s philia includes family and co-workers as well. Is it possible to be friends with your family?

When I was in the third grade, my older brother drew all over my face with long-lasting red lipstick shortly after I fell asleep one night. After having the lipstick on my face for at least eight hours, it was nearly impossible to remove before school the next morning. Of course, my parents still made me go.

Amazingly, I still consider my brother and sister my very best friends. We’ve lived halfway across the world from each other, but the ties that bind us are ever strong. With the constant improvements in technology, I can talk to and see them every day. Family are the friends who are there for you no matter what. They practically have to be; it’s nearly impossible to get away from your family. But maybe that’s just my family.

So, I’ve got to go with Aristotle and say that friendship is indeed necessary for the “good life.” We have friends who hurt us, friends who save us, friends who remind us, friends who love us. Friends are able to overlook our small faults and play a huge part in fixing our big ones.

Good friends lead to the good life.

E-mail Jessica at jrp32@pitt.edu.