Pittsburgh needs slot machines

Where legalized gambling goes, can poverty, prostitution, vice, debauchery, chaos, terrorism,… Where legalized gambling goes, can poverty, prostitution, vice, debauchery, chaos, terrorism, communism, nepotism, brigandry, plague, polygamy and Pollyannas be far behind? No. But elected officials in Pennsylvania are gambling that opening Pittsburgh up to casinos will have more of a positive impact on the region than a negative one, and I have to say that as of now, I agree with them.

First, to clarify to anyone who doesn’t know about gambling in Pittsburgh and has made it this far in the article, a brief introduction. The state recently passed laws to help open Pennsylvania up to gambling development, and cities across the commonwealth are weighing competing offers from huge casino companies to come in and get exclusive rights to the various municipalities. Pittsburgh is looking at three different options for who we want to come in and take our money.

The Sam of the past – that is to say, this past weekend – was not a fan of the one-armed bandit’s inevitable arrival here in the ‘Burgh. And I sat down to write about how gambling is like a tax on poor people, and how it will cause many more problems than it will solve.

But when I started to think about it, I started to change my mind. I think gambling, if done correctly, could be a great thing for Pittsburgh.

As a town, Pittsburgh is in recovery. The things that we used to be known for, steel, Andrew Carnegie, steel and Andrew Carnegie, are all more or less gone now. The workers don’t all live in the South Side anymore, nor do they work in steel mills at the Waterfront.

For a long time, Pittsburgh bled as its industrial base was eroded and exported. Foreign workers would do the jobs Pittsburghers were doing for only pennies on the dollar. Sometimes, they would work for chicken scratch. Sometimes, even imitation chicken scratch.

Pittsburgh is doing its best to recover, and the city is fresh with a new look. I still remember freshman year when I was sent to the South Side for my freshman studies course, a class that my adviser conned me into taking. There was nothing there when we went, just a lot of dark alleys and bars. We tried to stay in the lighted areas so we, you know, wouldn’t get raped and murdered.

Since then, they have developed and built Southside works, and all of a sudden, Carson Street isn’t just for bargoers or those looking for a tattoo anymore.

And yet, while the South Side may be something of a success story, all you need to do is follow Fifth Avenue down past Craft Avenue to see what years of depression have done to Uptown Pittsburgh, the neighborhood that connects Downtown and Oakland.

This is why gambling might be a great boon to our great city: It is the next step in continuing a cycle of reinvention, modernization and development that began here when we realized that steel wasn’t coming back.

The Isle of Capri proposal promises to locate its new facility right next to Mellon arena, in one fell swoop developing parts of Downtown, the Hill District and Uptown. This is not counting the new hockey arena the company would pay for, which would also help out that area.

Of course, this isn’t a magic-bullet solution, and I would be dishonoring my hippie forbearers if I didn’t voice my concerns. The reason this company wants to come to town and throw around its development bucks is because they obviously think they can turn a profit. To put it another way, they are banking on you, me and a whole host of other people squandering away our paychecks at the slots.

Slots are notorious for robbing people; they don’t call it the “one armed bandit” because of a wound it suffered during the war. Compared to all other forms of gambling, slots give the house one of the biggest edges. This might be why we are only handing out slots licenses: gambling leads to vice, but as long as a tax-paying company is getting the money, then who cares?

Pittsburgh is struggling with its identity and its history. Do we build a casino? Do we develop these historic neighborhoods into things that they aren’t?

The Pittsburghers of old certainly wouldn’t approve of a new-fangled casino. Then again, the Pittsburghers of old were manly steel workers who only had enough energy for church, 14-hour factory shifts and making love to their wives.

We can remember the old without being held hostage by it. Today, there are parts of the city that are eyesores, and what’s worse is that people live in them. The casino plan can bring badly needed development and jobs into areas that have been stagnant and decaying for the past several decades. It is a two-edged sword, but the good outweighs the bad.

Just two more weeks