Accidental shooting proves humorous

A few weeks ago, Lee Paige accidentally shot himself in the foot. No huge deal — it’s the… A few weeks ago, Lee Paige accidentally shot himself in the foot. No huge deal — it’s the kind of thing that happens all the time. The only difference was that this time, Lee wasn’t hunting with his buddies or cleaning out his gun in his office. At the time of his accident, Paige, an agent for the Drug Enforcement Administration, was right in the middle of teaching a bunch of kids in Orlando, Fla., the importance of firearm safety.

I’m sorry. I feel bad for the guy and all, but how funny is that? He was teaching kids about the importance of gun control. Right before the fateful shot went off he was explaining to the crowd that he was the only one in the room who had enough training to handle such a dangerous weapon. Then, he accidentally shot himself. Don’t worry; he’s fine. Though it remains unconfirmed, some have reported that after the doctors removed the bullet, they had to use the Jaws of Life to pry the foot out of his mouth.

Since I saw this, I’ve been combing my brain for possible equivalents to this situation. A barber slipping and shaving off a patch of his own hair doesn’t quite cut it. A pilot getting motion sickness upon takeoff comes a little bit closer to what I was looking for. The best one I could think of was a surgeon cutting himself with scalpel he dropped right before making the first incision. Oh, and don’t forget any speech Bush makes about education reform.

Video footage of the incident has been all over the Internet and late-night talk shows. If you haven’t seen it yet, you really should. It’s pretty ridiculous. Let me repeat this one more time: He shot himself in the foot. Wow. Everybody who sees it is getting a good laugh out of what turned out to be a harmless situation. That is, everybody but Mr. Paige.

Paige isn’t too happy with his newfound popularity. He doesn’t appreciate being the central figure on thousands of screens across the country. He’s been complaining since the video got out about people laughing at him and referring to him as that guy who shot himself in the foot. Now, he’s suing the DEA for supposedly leaking the humiliating tape to the public.

Hey, Lee — chill out. You did something stupid. We all do stupid things. Your blunder just happens to be preserved with video evidence. And now people are laughing. I don’t see what could possibly be such a big deal. If you look at the bright side, the impressionable children at the assembly probably learned a very valuable lesson: Make sure the “unloaded” gun is really empty before waving it around and pointing it at your feet.

On a serious note, the video, which I’ve watched about 300 times in the last few days, shows the man carelessly swinging the gun in the air moments before the incident. This could have been a much worse situation than it turned out to be. Luckily, however, I don’t write a serious column — at least not this week. I’d rather make fun of the guy for complaining like a 7-year-old girl who accidentally sent her Barbie doll down the garbage disposal.

People say and do dumb things all the time. Then, as long as they have anything close to a few honest friends, they get made fun of. After that, they usually get over it and learn to laugh at themselves. Others take the Agent Paige method and cry like a toddler lost in the supermarket. You heard me, Lee. Boo hoo.

I could list all the times I’ve messed up and gotten over it, but I don’t think the paper would be able to print all of the extra pages. Some of the highlights would include showing up to a final exam as it was ending, losing my wallet after it fell into a manhole on Halloween night and getting just slightly out of hand during the tailgate before the Notre Dame game this season. I’ve made plenty of mistakes, and I know too well the importance of letting jokes roll off your back. If I never let go of any jokes that people made about me, I’d probably be committed to an insane asylum by now.

That’s all I have to say about Agent “Crybaby” Paige. I would be afraid of him coming after me with his gun, but I’m not. From what I heard, he doesn’t have the best aim.

E-mail Sam at seg23@pitt.edu with any more corny, obvious “shooting yourself in the foot” jokes.