Disconnect your cord, IM no one

The Internet needs to go. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. But because I’ve never… The Internet needs to go. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. But because I’ve never said it in Pittsburghese, I’ll amend my statement: The Internet needs disconnected.

I don’t know about you, but I waste my time with it. I spend my time on instant messenger, looking up sports stats and obsessing over Facebook. Before now, the only complaint I had about it was that it took me away from those book things I’m supposed to be reading. Now, there is an even better reason to pull the plug.

The Pittsburgh Tribune-Review ran an article last Sunday that highlighted a growing trend: Kids like us are getting in trouble for what they post online.

Michael Guinn, a student at ultraconservative John Brown University, was expelled this year after an anonymous student printed out his Facebook profile and forked it over to administrators. Michael is gay, and that is reflected by his Facebook account. He was found to be in violation of the Bible and, less importantly, school code. He was subsequently dismissed.

Even closer to home, a student at Duquesne University right down Forbes Avenue was assigned a 10-page paper by school administrators. He made derogatory comments online when a gay-rights organization won its battle to gain recognition as an official club on campus. His Facebook profile became the basis of the school’s disciplinary action when someone turned it over.

Further, banks, insurers, school admissions officers and school administrators are venturing online to hitherto unexplored Web sites, bringing back pictures, profiles and stories. I have even heard of people printing out a Facebook profile and handing it to bouncers at bars and clubs so that the people who they hate can’t use their fake ID to get in.

Police at schools where underage drinking is a problem are being trained to search Facebook for parties that are likely to place alcohol and minors in close proximity.

Most threatening of all is that employers are turning to Google to do their dirty work. The Trib quotes Steve Rothberg, the president of a college job-finding service, who believes that around 10 percent of employers check future employees’ social networking site usage. He also said that number was likely to grow tremendously.

Who would have thought that a picture of you without your pants on or that picture of you and your friends smoking out of your toilet-paper-roll bong would come back to haunt you?

The question now is how long will our beloved Web sites stay popular after people start feeling the need to guard themselves in their online communiques?

One idea I’m toying with is changing the name on my Facebook account to “Mother Teresa II” and then changing my interests from what they really are to things like “Distributing grain to hungry people” and “working for your company.”

The sad truth is that the adults have finally caught on. It was a fun ride while it lasted. There was a time when we could indulge our more voyeuristic demons until the cows came home, which they never did. We could waste all sorts of time. Perhaps the time has come to abandon our lonely computers.

Think about it for a second. How much time do you spend at the computer, not doing a damn thing? For me, the answer is “a lot.” Armed with a full library of music, it’s all too easy to spend a day talking to your friends and checking your e-mail. Next thing you know, you look out your window and see it’s dark. You look at your clock again and realize all of a sudden that it’s midnight, and you didn’t finish your homework.

I’m open to ideas, but how can you stop prying eyes from stealing your private information from your public profile? The appeal of these sites is that you get to express your true self – an act that is highly discouraged by society at large.

It is indeed very sad news that our favorite pastimes appear, now, to limit our employability, threaten our college eligibility and enhance our criminal records.

I, however, think this might be a real opportunity. Maybe we need to get off of our computers and go outside to see the clouds with their silver linings floating by.

I get more work done and I get to see more real people when I’m not stuck inside, writing something on the old desktop. I feel like I made more of my day. Perhaps the time has finally come for us to abandon our online exploits, or at the very least, learn to make up fake names and speak in code.

Sam Morey will be online tonight, probably, if you want to message him. You can also e-mail him at smorey88@hotmail.com.