Loving US tender, loving US true

The United States’ government is awesome.

Now, I may not agree with some of its policies,… The United States’ government is awesome.

Now, I may not agree with some of its policies, techniques or people in charge, but as of this week I have no beef with D.C. That’s because they’ve finally done something really cool: they made Elvis Presley’s house a historical landmark.

That’s awesome.

Last Monday, Secretary of the Interior Gale Norton flew down to Memphis, Tenn., to officially move the Graceland estate from the “Historic Places” list to the “Historic Landmark” list. This is by far the coolest thing any government official has done since JFK stole Marilyn Monroe from Joe DiMaggio. Bill Clinton playing the saxophone on “The Arsenio Hall” was all right, but it doesn’t even begin to come close to this.

This designation has a very special meaning to me personally. I grew up with The King. My first-ever cassette tape was Elvis’ “Teddy Bear,” which I would listen to over and over on my bright yellow Walkman/radio. I never wore an Elvis costume for Halloween, because I dressed like him every day – I prided myself on being one of the only elementary school students with sideburns. I would study books to find out things like his middle name or favorite snack or how much he paid for the light blue convertible he bought his mom. I still have a poster of him hanging up in my room. All I’ve ever wanted in life is to live up to his legend, to become “a hunk-a hunk-a burnin’ love.”

And it’s not just me who feels this way. Every year Graceland gets more than 600,000 visitors. It is the best nonresidence in the country – other than the White House – and is now on the same list as the Capitol Building, the Library of Congress and the USS Intrepid.

Just to show how widespread Elvis’ influence was, I found articles about the topic in newspapers from India, Great Britain, North Korea and the Philippines. And don’t forget John Stamos – Uncle Jesse can’t be wrong.

Though, obviously, I was never able to see him live, I know that Elvis added something special to music. He may not have written his own songs, but they weren’t the same when anyone else sang them. Case in point: Blues singer Big Mamma Thornton came out with “Hound Dog” three years before Elvis made it a hit. Unless you read the same books I did when I was young, you wouldn’t know that. There’s a reason: Elvis did it better. He snarled his lip, shook his hips and made the tune his own. The only real fault I hold against him is paving the way for pop artists like Justin Timberlake. I could’ve done without that.

I’ll admit it: I’ve searched Foot Locker for blue suede shoes. I’m wary of “Suspicious Minds.” And “Heartbreak Hotel” makes me cry. Yes, I still listen to Elvis on a regular basis. And he’s still the man. There’s no way to get around it. As usual, if you don’t agree with me, you are wrong.

Some people may forget how awesome he was at things other than music. He starred in many movies and, I believe, won a hot dog-eating contest in the late ’60s. Of all the famous people given nicknames of authority, King Presley definitely tops the list. Though many might disagree, I’d rather listen to Elvis than Frank “Chairman of the Board” Sinatra any day. In his later days, The King would have dominated a much less nimble “Sultan of Swat” Babe Ruth in a sumo-wrestling match. And, unlike George “The Boss” Steinbrenner, Elvis never destroyed my favorite baseball team of all time. The only one who comes somewhat close is Boston Celtic great Robert “The Chief” Parish, but I’m not so sure how he’d look in skintight pants.

So the suits down in Washington finally did something right by making Graceland a historic landmark. With all the effects Elvis had on American culture, I’m surprised this hasn’t happened sooner. Anyway, as of last Monday, those running the government are OK in my book. They seem like pretty cool people – people I could really get along with, people with the same priorities as I have.

Now if only they could fix up that whole Iraq thing.

E-mail Sam at seg23@pitt.edu if you want him to be your teddy bear.