Reality TV not so lovely

Love is on the air this Valentine’s Day, and reality television is bursting with romance. Yet,… Love is on the air this Valentine’s Day, and reality television is bursting with romance. Yet, for every couple united in front of millions, many remain unattached when the credits roll. It should be easy; why do they leave empty-armed? Dating is rarely casual, but it really couldn’t be more complicated, could it?

Think about your first dates – would you want them recorded, edited and broadcast? Apparently some do, because there are many matchmaking programs, even ones about people who probably should not need help.

What do a singer and two socialites have in common? The answer is that E! has scheduled reality shows that track their searches for love. “Gastineau Girls” follows a mother and daughter as they try to find sugar daddies. Little is revealed, aside from daughter Brittny’s brattiness, and mother Lisa’s unchecked jealously toward her child. The other Lisa on E! has issues too, but at least she works them out.

Lisa Loeb is a sweetheart, or at least she is on “#1 Single” – where she resolves her past to benefit her future. Lisa narrates, filling us in on her life, and musing as to why so many “cool” women, despite being intelligent and attractive, are still single.

As she surmises in the pilot, “- most cool things have a mate.” Loeb is set up by her friends, her family and by fate. She is so pleasant and understanding that she’s easily burned – one guy uses their date to further his career – but at least she is mature enough to keep her manners. She could teach the youth of MTV a few lessons in social graces.

On MTV’s five current dating shows there are good-looking guys and gals, 18-25, of all races and sexual orientations. They live in major cities and supposedly cannot find a date. The shows have various plots but only one rule: Pick one. Aside from that rule, anything goes – and it reveals how superficial some of these contestants really are.

For those with an Oedipus complex there is “Date My Mom,” chronic snoops can always be “Room Raiders,” celebrity crushes are resolved on “My Own,” prospective harem-keepers get their jollies on “Next,” and parents who hate their kid’s date get some “Parental Control.” Contestants reject prospects based on random considerations of taste and logic.

The snap judgments featured on the glorified panty hunt “Room Raiders” showcase serious double standards. One guy on “RR” jettisoned a girl when he found an address book containing guys’ names. He condescendingly told her to “move on;” meanwhile, his room was littered with ex-girlfriend mementos. He was in error because those guys were the girl’s family members. He got to pick one date, but proved that he was no prize because of his shallow outlook.

Yet, no program is quite as heinously superficial as “My Own,” where in each episode one person with a celebrity crush attempts to find an attainable person who resembles his or her favorite star. How did society break down into holding look-alike pageants with willing participants? Moreover, why did MTV decide that we wanted to watch it?

These people are shallow, they are rude, they are self-involved – but are we? The important lesson to learn from dating shows is that their level of saturation is high. They take relationships, which take weeks, months or even years to develop, and compress them into a 30-minute circus of lust, rejection and groan-worthy insults.

This is speed dating at its worst, and little of it is informative. For true romantics, try “#1 Single” – which airs all day today on E! – where Loeb’s smart, funny outlook is a joy to behold. All of the others deserve to be alone.