Freshman: Bringin’ the sex, bringin’ the funk

Dear Rose,

I’m a desperate freshman in need of your expert advice! As a first-year student,… Dear Rose,

I’m a desperate freshman in need of your expert advice! As a first-year student, not only is it difficult to adjust to the workload, but my living situation is stressful as well.

At first, my roommate and I were getting along OK. But just recently, she started seeing this new guy. Can you say hick city? Sure, he’s an OK kid, but he just doesn’t know when he has overstayed his welcome. He’s sleeping over in our dorm room and leaving his boxers on the floor and it’s really uncomfortable.

But worst of all, lumberjack is funking up my room! The smell of sex – or whatever that’s supposed to be – is nauseating. In fact, I just heard him say he smells like day-old sex! How vile!

He and my roommate have asked me if his constant presence is OK numerous times, which is considerate. But I feel if I say, “I have had enough,” it will make the next few months awkward. What should I do about my living situation? He stays here five out of seven days of the week.

And most importantly, what can I do about the smell? My Febreze is running out.

A freshman in distress

‘

Dear Distressed Freshman,

Roommates are the bane of many a student’s existence. You either strike gold or it’s a disaster. However, when things get real serious you don’t want negative feelings harping you. That is an outburst waiting to happen.

It’s clear that you have to come up with a compromise. But it doesn’t have to be at the expense of you and your roommate’s relationship, because then you’ll have a prime-time, “When Roommates Go Wrong” special on your hands, and that’s when the real drama begins.

You’re right about saying, “Enough is enough!” Some people just can’t handle certain truths and your roommate might think you’re a stuck-up prude who’s jealous because you don’t have a lumberjack to funk up your side of the room.

So here’s my advice: One day, when you and your roommate have time alone, strike up a conversation about her and her new boo. State that it’s clear that she and lumberjack are getting serious and express how happy you are for them. Then lunge in with how a couple at their level of seriousness needs their privacy, and recently, you feel you’ve been infringing on that.

Then tell her – don’t ask her – that you want to set up a schedule where she gets to have real time alone with her man. Since you guys are roomies, the time should be divided equally between you two. You can have the first three nights, she can have the next three while you’re at a friend’s place, and Sunday can be just for you two gals. That way she spends six full days with her babe instead of five fragmented ones.

Keep your class schedules in mind and make sure time on the weekends is also equally distributed. And sure, there will be some overlap, but try to make it during the day so it’s more of a certainty that his boxers won’t end up on your side of the room.

Now, clearing up the smell may be a little more problematic. While every once in a while the smell of sex can be an alluring and intoxicating for those involved, people on the outside just smell funk.

Under normal, sanitary conditions, sex usually doesn’t have a smell. While it’s possible that the smell could be body odor from him or her, the tear-jerking, nauseating smells usually come from a woman who isn’t utilizing all the soap and bubbles a shower has to offer, or from a woman who has an infection, particularly bacterial vaginosis (BV).

This infection is as routine as yeast and urinary tract infections, but its distinguishing characteristic is the god-awful smell most present after you’ve had sex and after you get out of the shower. A lot of women get this, but, because of the smell, they tend to be too embarrassed to get it checked out.

Of course, everyone is different, so use your discretion when bringing up this subject. But I implore you to use tactics similar to the ones I mentioned above to address this situation. On a day when it’s only the two of you, say that you recently suspected that you’ve had an infection and it turned out to be BV. Make the conversation lighthearted and jokey, almost making fun of yourself for freaking out about a simple infection that was cured with one dose of medicine.

Talk to her about how nice and helpful the people at Student Health are and stress that all women should go for annual exams and be tested. Most likely, she will at least give it a try. If she does have BV, her doctor will discuss with her how safe sex not only protects against STIs, but against the retransmission of regular infections by your partner. And, on the plus side, if she doesn’t have BV, you’ve shifted the responsibility on the doctor to lecture her about soap and bubbles.

No glove, no love. E-mail all of your sex questions to Rose at sex@pittnews.com.