Regarding sex, generation gap needs to be confronted

It’s come to my attention recently that there is a generation gap when it comes to sex. This… It’s come to my attention recently that there is a generation gap when it comes to sex. This is especially apparent when I consider my parents’ approach to my sex column.

My dad is a cardiologist and my mother is a nursing supervisor. They’re both very clinical people. When my mother makes traditional Ghanaian chicken soup, which is cooked with a whole chicken, she delineates the entire anatomy of the chicken as she adds each ingredient. Her presentation is a cross between “Martha Stewart Living” and the Operation game we played as kids.

My dad is even worse. Very often there are quizzes in my household on where certain arteries and bones are. With each failing grade they were disappointed that, out of five kids, “the doctor” has yet to emerge.

So when I told them I was hired as a sex columnist, I instinctively flinched for fear that they would flip out. But to my astonishment, they were excited.

Later it became clear that it wasn’t the sex writing that excited them, but my enthusiasm to discuss aspects of sex that were clinical in nature. In their minds, my decision wasn’t about educating the masses about sex. It was my latent urge to be in the medical field finally expressing itself.

The generation finally revealed itself when we got down to the nitty-gritty. When we entered the sex territory, abandoning all discussion about the endocrine system, I enlightened my father on some legal perspectives.

“Daddy, did you know that sodomy is illegal in 15 states?” The conservative then leapt out of him and swallowed me whole. “Rosie,” he said, “don’t be silly, anal sex should be illegal in every state.”

My mother’s response to anything that was sexual in subject matter was, “Rose whatever you do, don’t disgrace this family.”

So, it seems that the issue of the generation gap is still something we must confront. Even though I am persistent in bringing it up once I’m aware of a new statistic or trend, my parents still relentlessly shut me down by changing the subject, confirming that some things never change.

But who is better than a college student to uproot this tradition and take on the challenge of bridging this gap? So my advice this week is to talk to your parents about their experiences in talking about sex with their parents. Start this conversation from a social standpoint, then slowly and subtly move into a more concrete discussion about sex.

James Cox, the director of the counseling center, also offered some insight. He discussed how Pitt students mostly say they have a good relationship with their parents, but still have difficulty discussing certain things, such as sex. Generally speaking, he advised parents to communicate with their children. He also said that, regarding the subject of sex, “There are just as many uncomfortable parents as there are children.”

He continued with advice about how to start a conversation: “Start by saying, ‘there is something I want to discuss with you.'” He continued, “It’s best to avoid statements like, ‘Let’s talk about sex.'”

Cox also advised students to know roughly what they want to discuss by having specific questions. One he suggested was, “When do you think people should become sexually active and why?”

He also stressed that parents and kids be open to each other and respect one another’s opinions by warning, “It will shut down communication if respect is not there.”

He discussed what he calls the “safe container,” or the safest time to talk. He concluded by saying, “It’s not easy to achieve, but it’s definitely worth working for.”

My advice is to be considerate, always keeping in mind that there is a generation after us who will potentially put you in your parents’ shoes.

When things gets too heated, step away and come back later. Be understanding when your parents just don’t understand. And explain things from your perspective while not assuming that there are things they already know.

Being educated on sex can start with us. Ignorance about sex can lead to infection and even death. Silence must end with our generation.

When it comes to sex, be safe, smart, be savvy. Couple close-up is on its way! E-mail Rose at sex@pittnews.com.