How to get sex vs. how to be good at sex

Editor’s note: The sex column contains material that may be offensive to some readers.

A… Editor’s note: The sex column contains material that may be offensive to some readers.

A friend of mine recently tried to call me out. “Rose, you talk so much about having good sex but you never talk about how to get it.”

Looking back, I’ve been pretty evasive on subjects concerning meeting people or taking it to the next level. This has mostly been because I don’t believe that sex itself is what people really want.

I’m more than willing to take on a direct question about a specific instance of approaching someone of the opposite – or same – sex. In fact, that is the subject of the very first column I ever wrote – the one that gave me the title to advise all 14,000 of you!

In any case, I’m not trying to play down the importance of getting sex. There are undoubtedly horny moments. Some of us can recall those Saturday nights when the after-party – a party of one – involves masturbation as the only recourse.

The need for sex is real. Once you’ve had it – especially if you’ve had body-sweating, toe-curling, sheets-biting sex – going without is almost unfathomable.

And we all know what that “I’m getting some” look is like. It’s the laughter with a little extra “ha.” It’s a flighty – sometimes, on women, awkward and spaced out – walk. Their eyes are peering at the open sky almost as if the clouds are Kama Sutra characters performing a reenactment of what’s lifting their spirits. And the most distinguishing characteristic of this look is that grin, that testimony of satisfaction spilling over from the wee hours of the morning’s events.

Just writing this has my insides dancing. But it’s good, consistent sex that really gets our insides two-stepping. How many of us are truly content with simply acquiring sex, to be then cut off with the need to get it again, and again and again?

Maybe this is just me, but just getting sex is easy – for men and women. You could practically put your thumb up on a Friday night on Forbes Avenue and you’ll get results! It’s getting it consistently enough that those tormenting withdrawal symptoms don’t occur that’s the hard part.

This is why I focus on being sexually inclined and giving your lover good sex instead of getting them to give you sex. If you give good lovin’; your lover will never leave. They might break up with you, divorce you or throw your favorite collection of CDs out of a third-story window, but when that midnight hour calls, your phone will be ringing.

But what leads up to the bridging of two bodies is important. So for all you out there who have “Whatever I can get” on your Facebook page, and those trying to cross sex off your to-do list, I’ll entertain my friend’s criticism with a little advice starting off with the men.

Men: get your credit card and cell phone ready. Dial 1-900 – just kidding.

Presentation is nine-tenths of the lust law. Make sure you are well groomed, not necessarily metrosexual, but clean. And make sure everything is clean – from the attic to the plumbing. And smell good – not overwhelming – but good.

Lose the pick up lines. Be yourself and stick to what you know. Get used to easy conversation, you know, exchanging pleasantries. Really basic conversation can be a way to tap into more intimate details.

Take risks. In other words, if the conversation is at a standstill, ask her what she’s doing later and see if you can meet up. If you go out to eat, offer to pay. I know, I know – women can be intimidating, and the fear of rejection is real. But even if you are rejected, a set back is nothing but a set-up for a comeback! Look out for awkward moments, and use your gut feeling to take advantage of them. These wordless connections are usually the silent part in the movie that precedes a kiss or sex. That could be you!

Also, women aren’t trauma victims. So ease up; there is no need to apply pressure. In fact, most women say they’re turned on by guys who aren’t overly concerned about getting some. When you’re in an intimate setting, play it cool. If she looks tense, ask her if she wants a massage. Don’t get noticeably excited, because that might be a deterrent. And when the lights go off, wrap it up, and handle your business.

Women: put your thumb up on a Friday night on Forbes Avenue.

When it comes to sex be smart, be savvy, and be safe. E-mail Rose at sex@pittnews.com.