Sue talks sex with Pittsburgh

Editor’s note: the following feature covers a talk by sexpert Sue Johanson. The material may… Editor’s note: the following feature covers a talk by sexpert Sue Johanson. The material may be offensive to some readers.

Sex burns about 135 calories (that’s with the woman on top), the term dildo comes from an ancient Greek word and yes, Virginia, there is a G-spot.

But it takes a sexpert like Sue Johanson to tell you what that equals – a can of pop, or a piece of chocolate cake. What you can do with one – plenty. And how exactly to find the illusive G-spot – it’s a possibility, really.

The star of Oxygen Network’s “Talk Sex with Sue Johanson” came to Pittsburgh Friday night to celebrate Planned Parenthood of Western Pennsylvania’s 75th Anniversary and put on the program, “What happens in Pittsburgh stays in Pittsburgh.”

“They never give me this type of mic,” Johanson said as she entered the Carnegie Music Hall and immediately began nuzzling the phallic-shaped device. For being so naughty, she resembled grandma, with her wiry gray hair, white stockings, loafers and purple suit.

Even though she is famous for her frank and honest discussion of sex, Johanson admitted to not always knowing as much as she could on the subject because of her registered nurse training in a Catholic hospital.

“I was taught that condoms had to have holes in them to give sperm a fighting chance,” Johanson said.

It wasn’t until she had kids that she realized the lack of decent sex education in schools. Johanson started a birth control clinic – the first of its kind – in a health room in a high school in Canada where they received around 45 patients every night. She teamed up with the Planned Parenthood of Canada to make this possible.

“I soon realized that these kids were having more sex than I was, and I got thoroughly pissed off about that,” she said.

She scoffed at the female sexual stereotypes. She said while guys devote hours to their penises, “nice girls” aren’t supposed to look at their genitals. Girls don’t even have a name for them other than “down there.”

“Where’s down there,” she asked, “anywhere south of North Dakota?”

Johanson urged women to be comfortable with their bodies and not to be afraid to talk about subjects like masturbation.

She went into masturbating techniques, like rubbing a pillow between the legs.

“We finally found a use for those stupid beanie babies,” she said.

There were funny moments and emotional moments throughout the night. When an audience member asked if there was a way to change a gay son’s sexual orientation, Johanson was compassionate.

“Lucky you, you have got a gay son,” she said.

She also gave plenty of sex advice. In one instance she used the microphone as a prop to demonstrate gag-less fellatio techniques.

Kiss. Suck. Blow hot air. Blow cold air. Use tip of mouth. Drool. Now grip. She mimed on the mic.

After two hours of talking about everything from bum sex to a vegan diet (which, by the way, makes male ejaculate sweeter), Johanson left to a standing ovation. Planned Parenthood of Western Pennsylvania CEO Kim Evert said they were pleased with the turnout.

“We knew she had a message of healthy sexuality,” Evert said.