Careers in showbiz

Employment anxiety is some pretty potent stuff. As college students, we’re all subject to it,… Employment anxiety is some pretty potent stuff. As college students, we’re all subject to it, praying that our chosen majors will lead us in the direction of Job Nirvana – that greatly mythologized realm in which we not only find a job upon graduating, but find that, after a few weeks, we don’t completely hate the job we’ve taken.

We’d generally like for our careers to challenge us, shower us with benefits and incentives and keep us on the technological forefront of our chosen fields. Well, let’s remain optimistic and say we’ll all achieve this – there’s certainly time to stress about it later.

For now at least, glancing at the week in entertainment news offers a few employment-related distractions. We’ll soon see that even media icons change career direction, kings of pop may require some fast-food fast cash and kid-show veterans can spring back from the archives of retirement.

Morning radio is losing a sizable chunk of its sex appeal come January. As part of a $500 million deal with Sirius Satellite Radio, Howard Stern is abandoning commercial-radio waters for a new stream of raunchy “talk” employment.

Infinity Broadcasting executives were left frantic to replace Stern upon receiving news of his intended departure from their firm. But who could ever successfully take the reigns from the self-proclaimed “King of All Media,” the proud inventor of the Wheel of Sex and the Robospanker?

Infinity first approached smartly comedic and politically savvy Jon Stewart, who quickly declined. Their solution: kill the notion to find one standout personality and instead employ several brave souls to the task. Most notably, David Lee Roth (former spandex-clad Van Halen heartthrob) and Adam Corolla (former obnoxious co-host of “Loveline” and doubly obnoxious co-host of “The Man Show”) are each set to host one of the show’s branches beginning Jan. 3.

Roth, in his radio debut, will man Stern’s home station in New York City, WXRK-FM, and Corolla will broadcast from Los Angeles and be heard mainly along the West Coast. Given that Stern has a loyal weekly following of about six million listeners, his program is one of commercial radio’s invaluable strongholds.

With the upward trends of iPod sales and leanings toward satellite radio, it will be revelatory to see if Corolla and Roth can keep Stern’s sex boat afloat, and moreover, help Infinity survive in the radio industry.

Next up, it’s looking as if Jacko’s whacko spending is running him toward debt territory. Michael Jackson reportedly returned copious antique items worth nearly $130,000 to the Mayfair Gallery in Los Angeles, following a lawsuit filed by the business against Jackson last November.

It’s been nearly a year and Jackson, rather than pay off his expenses, opted to return such items as a barometer, Oriental furniture and clocks to the gallery. This is happening amid three separate civil charges Jackson is facing – $51 million in lawsuits relate to unpaid bills and loan discrepancies, and an additional case deals with (yawn) another child-molestation charge.

It may be premature to speculate, but with the seeming debt Jackson’s amassing, it wouldn’t be surprising if he picked up Wendy’s and Starbucks applications during his next shopping spree.

In other news, Jim Henson’s The Muppets may have nabbed a new gig, the dignity of which is up for debate. ABC is looking to cast the well-loved characters in a primetime TV series to be titled “America’s Next Top Muppet.” Viewers would have an active role in the show, being able to call in and vote for the puppet they’d like to see turn Muppet.

As the Associated Press has compared the show’s premise to that of reality hits “American Idol” and “America’s Next Top Model,” viewers can anticipate Simon Cowell’s cool brand of misanthropy spoken by Kermit, or Tyra Banks-like wisdom channeled through the jowls of Miss Piggy.

It’s nice to see old favorites gaining re-employment in pop culture – let’s just keep all fingers crossed that their exploitation be kept to a minimum. If Gonzo should collaborate on a hit single with Clay Aiken or Camilla the Chicken becomes convinced that her percent body fat is too high, our childhoods would be punted backward a few yards.