Marriage might be nice, but not yet

I want to get married one day, I just don’t want that day to be any time soon.

Right now… I want to get married one day, I just don’t want that day to be any time soon.

Right now I’m enjoying what could possibly be the greatest period in my life. I’m young, healthy and independent with endless possibilities ahead. So right now, the thought of being married to someone makes me cringe.

But some of my peers don’t agree. Just recently an acquaintance of mine, who is also 20 years old, got engaged to “the love of her life.” How did I find this out?

I found out from looking at her AOL Instant Messenger profile and flipping through her online pictures.

Call me crazy, but personally I think if you’re young enough to be on AIM, facebook or have Webshots, you’re too young to get married.

Getting engaged is a huge deal and shouldn’t be thrown around like it’s not, and I’m not convinced that many college students are mature enough or have had enough life experience to make such a commitment.

According to newsweek.com, the average marriage length is only 7.8 years. With a pathetic statistic like that, we should be 100% sure we want to marry someone before we get engaged.

Being 100% sure of anything in college is difficult. Most of us aren’t 100% sure of what we want to major in, where we’re living next year or what we’re doing after graduation.

Of course, there are some things of which we can be sure. If you truly love someone then you truly love him, regardless of your age. But if two people are really in love, there should be no problem or worry in waiting to get engaged until they become established in their lives.

We should really know ourselves before we make a lifetime commitment to another. College is a life-changing experience in self-discovery. Each year we meet new people and grow. Chances are, we won’t leave college as the same person we were when we entered.

The point is, we’ve still got a lot of time to learn about ourselves and change into the people we’ll ultimately become.

Aside from college, it’s important that we take time to be independent young adults. We need to learn how to survive on our own. We need to be selfish and think about what’s best for our own lives. This can’t be done with a fiance at your side.

Of course, there are many couples who got married young and remain happily married for years, but they’re an exception. Research has shown that marrying young is one of the leading traits among divorced couples.

Also, at age 20, it’s hard to imagine that anyone would have very much real relationship experience. Some people have had a serious relationship or two but many people haven’t yet crossed over to the commitment side at all. How can a person be sure that someone is the one for her if she barely has any experience to which compare it?

I don’t understand why people are in such a hurry to act like adults – the time will come soon enough. We should enjoy each phase of our life, taking our age into account and acting appropriately.

We all know people who have claimed to be in love but then broken up. Maybe they really did love each other but for some reason couldn’t be together. Or maybe they never really loved each other. Either way, it can be considered a relief that such couples weren’t engaged. After all, “breaking up” sounds much better than “calling off the wedding.”

Marriage can either be a beautiful and powerful thing, or a terrible mistake. Getting married young or holding off is a personal choice, but it would be a terrible travesty to regret your marriage just because you were too young and immature to realize the magnitude of your decisions.

We all look back on foolish things we did in relationships and laugh. Like, “Hey remember when I liked Bob in middle school and I sent him a note saying ‘do you like me, circle yes or no’,” or “remember when you spent 300 bucks on Jen for her birthday and she dumped you the next week?” Somehow “remember when I got engaged when I was too young and then ended up regretting my marriage?” doesn’t sound as funny.

Marriage is something that should absolutely be taken seriously, and when in doubt, it’s best to err on the side of caution. Because although you can write a note saying, “I’m dumping you,” I don’t think you’ll get away with writing a note to call the marriage off.

E-mail Anjali at amn052@yahoo.com.