Chivalry is withering, fat lady could sing soon

This past weekend held a recurring theme – chivalry and the lack thereof.

Now gentlemen,… This past weekend held a recurring theme – chivalry and the lack thereof.

Now gentlemen, don’t get your tighty whities in a bunch. I’m not going to she-woman man-bash all of you. I just want you to be aware that there are some guys out there giving the male species a bad reputation.

It all began when I packed up to head home this past weekend to be in my cousin’s wedding. I lugged my huge suitcase on wheels, along with my bridesmaid gown and shoes, to the bus stop on Forbes Avenue to catch the Airport Flyer to Robinson.

Now, anyone who’s ridden the Airport Flyer knows that it is not a regular-sized bus, but rather a mini-sized version of a regular Port Authority bus that fills very quickly once it leaves Oakland.

I secured a seat, placed my belongings on the luggage rack and settled in for the ride. It wasn’t long before the bus was packed, and when I noticed a woman struggling with her bag, I quickly stood up and offered her my seat.

I was cursing my random act of kindness within a matter of minutes when eight more people climbed aboard and I was sandwiched between two culinary students who smelled like garlic and other various spices. Then, a man playing with his electronic organizer was occupying 90 percent of my standing room in the aisle by stretching out his leg.

I looked around the bus to find that there was only one woman sitting – the one for whom I had sacrificed my seat. Only once did a young male college student offer his seat to those standing, the majority of whom were middle to older aged women.

But that was only the beginning. Once I arrived in Robinson and practically fell down the bus steps with my bag, my sister and mother picked me up and we were homeward bound.

We arrived to the wedding rehearsal in somewhat dressy attire, and I was almost shocked to discover that the burly man in the fluorescent orange Jack Daniel’s, jean shorts and construction boots was my partner. That is, until I saw the rest of the bridal party.

The bridesmaids were all well-dressed and clean cut, very reflective of my cousin, the bride. The groomsmen, however, played in the same heavy metal band as the groom, and had affectionate nicknames like “Anthrax” and “Death.” Besides the groom, they were all wearing T-shirts and jeans.

We breezed through the rehearsal – as well as death metal rockers can breeze, I suppose – and the wedding day arrived. Ultimately, I found that you can dress certain boys up, but you can’t hide their true colors.

When the bridal party was announced at the reception, my partner was finally tracked down and insisted on carrying his Jack and Coke out onto the dance floor for the dance.

He also chose the span of the three-minute Journey song to disclose to me that he planned on never getting married and has already had his “baby-making ability taken care of.” I don’t know about you, but there’s something about a guy saying “I’m neutered” that just makes me melt. Right.

Sadly, I was still holding onto a shred of hope that there would be at least one normal guy – besides my 1-year-old nephew – at the wedding. So when a seemingly sane, attractive young man approached me and asked me to dance, I willingly accepted.

We danced and talked for the majority of the night, only for me to find at the end of the evening that his father had bet him $20 that he couldn’t get my phone number. Well, let’s just say he didn’t leave $20 richer.

Disgusted doesn’t even describe what I was feeling. I’m ecstatic that we live in a world that stresses equality for both sexes, but honestly, guys, has chivalry become extinct? What’s wrong with a little wooing? Or even some common courtesy for that matter?

I pose this as a generalization because I know that “good guys” do indeed exist. I’m just trying to get you riled up enough to demonstrate your chivalrous manners even more – because, let me tell you, you don’t realize how good you look next to the buffoons who don’t know any better.

So, be a trendsetter. Open a door, offer a seat and under no circumstances should you disclose your reproductive ability in the first 20 minutes that you know a lady.

Jessica will be standing outside the William Pitt Union until someone is chivalrous enough to open the door. E-mail her at jrp32@pitt.edu.