I saw the sign, it opened up my eyes, I saw the sign

There are signs in the bathrooms where I work. These are clever signs. Signs with an… There are signs in the bathrooms where I work. These are clever signs. Signs with an adorable, little sheep, and just above it are the words “Hey Ewe, remember to flush the toilets and urinals.” The sign’s as effective as it is cute. Nothing makes me think immaculate bathroom like a smiling quadruped.

I hate signs. Well, the informative signs I can handle. Those signs that name buildings, indicate the direction of the nearest highway, even those paper “Hello, I’m Skippy” stickers can be helpful. The resentment begins when the signs start trying to boss me around and make their little backhanded judgments.

“No Smoking” translates “You’re a bad person who callously poisons the rest of us.” “No Food or Beverages” oh so subtly suggests that I’m a messy eater and furthermore that my hunger or thirst is of less concern than the building’s cleanliness. “Employees MUST Wash Hands” is really “Much as we’d like to, we can’t do anything about the rest of you dirty, dirty people,” with an undertone of “If the employees didn’t wash, it’s not our fault. Don’t sue us. We told them. Hell, we told you too.”

As irritating as it is to have inanimate objects ordering me to perform complex hygienic feats, I really start to get belligerent with the threatening signs. Anything ending in “will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law” has me mumbling under my breath and contemplating committing a crime just to mess with the sign.

I realize wanting to engage a sign in any way isn’t a particularly balanced sentiment. I’ve never reacted well to authority, and I feel that having had to submit to the actual people who wield social or economic authority is burden enough. Having to bow down to their written reminders is a bit much.

I’m not sure if I’ve matured or simply started to give in, but I don’t really resent daily authority quite as much as I used to, and unsurprisingly, those laminated tools of enforcement chafe a little less now. But another kind of sign has begun to trouble me.

I’ve heard people say that regardless of how disgusting or pointless or embarrassing the job, a man should take pride in doing it well. I believe that to perform with excellence precisely those jobs that the rest of us would not work – and life has not forced us into – is a truly profound accomplishment. It is an accomplishment that warrants an entirely different type of pride than doing a more desirable job phenomenally well.

For some reason, corporations feel they can inspire their employees to adopt such a principled work ethic by surrounding them with trite signs encouraging the employees to conform to the management’s image of the ideal worker. That image varies profoundly from company to company, but I’ve yet to work at or hear about a large corporation that exemplifies any such principles in policy decisions.

They’ll throw a few more dollars an hour to anyone who’ll recite their mottos publicly, all while the company posts “Customer Satisfaction Is Our No. 1 Priority” signs throughout the stores and then chops quality inventory for high profit-margin crap. The hypocrisy I expect. Belittling through buzzword-lauding those few people who’ve managed to retain a genuine work ethic despite the lack of tangible rewards is even less surprising.

What I hadn’t anticipated is the way these signs erode our language. When you put up an amusement park-themed sign that jams “integrity,” “having fun,” “honor” and “serving the best burgers and drinks” together, you hack at the value of those words that we most need to be ripe with meaning.

Every time a word is wasted, it loses its effect on us a little more. Oh the loss is infinitesimal, but it is so constant that there really is an effect. We live in a nation where our government has linked freedom to war, war to patriotism, patriotism to unity and unity to quiet acceptance. We need words to have every bit of meaning possible because for our voice to be heard and for it to have an impact, it must be expressed with a passion and precision that commands awe from the establishment and quiets that voice dominating the airwaves, rumbling from the TV, whispering in the movies and residing in so many signs.

E-mail Zak Sharif at rzs8@pitt.edu with your plans for modifying some signs.