Managed anger allows occasional outbursts

Part of being a true dork is having philosophical arguments with yourself in your head. Last… Part of being a true dork is having philosophical arguments with yourself in your head. Last week, my friend helped give me insight into a particularly fierce argument that has gone back and forth in my head for weeks, occupying valuable class time that I could have used to join my heterosexual male colleagues in daydreaming about girls.

My friend plays DDR — that’s Dance Dance Revolution — in the William Pitt Union. More specifically, he now plays In the Groove 2, but that is too long, so I will just call it DDR because those games are basically the same anyway.

Last week, not for the first time, while he and his friends were playing DDR, some kids gathered around the machines and heckled them. Nothing especially bad was said, but from what my friend said, they definitely and obviously meant to make fun of the DDR players. Usually he plays it cool and just complains about it later after he returns home

“Wow, what jerks,” he’ll say dispassionately.

But later in the week, possibly because he was in a weird mood, or because he was tired of people ridiculing him for his religious beliefs, he took a new course of action. While he was playing, a crowd once again gathered and made snide remarks about the DDR players and the game. My friend finished playing, turned around to a group of about seven people, and just started yelling some not-so-nice words at them.

The group of people disassembled and my friend started calling them back, saying that they would be a part of the female reproductive system if they did not return to explain themselves. Two girls returned, and tried to be cute about it, saying that they actually thought DDR and the kids who played it were really cool.

Well, my friend just unloaded on them. He asked them if, when they are doing something they like and are trying to concentrate, whether they enjoy people making fun of them or not. Several expletive-filled minutes later, my friend left, feeling good that he had taken action and that he had gotten to call them jerks to their faces, instead of just telling it to me later.

This made me think about one of the many arguments that I have with myself. I frequently wonder whether it is better to keep cool or to be assertive. I usually stick with playing it cool because most of the time, things don’t really bother me that much. Many say that the idea is to avoid letting anybody see that you care if they do something against you.

Most of the time, in conflict situations, I would say that I really don’t care that much — like when someone cuts in front of you in a line or makes some snide remark about you that you overhear. Even when I do care, I usually just play it cool.

But my friend’s assertiveness was refreshing. What kind of person are you if you just bottle up everything people dish out without giving some back yourself? Playing it cool may help you disguise that you care about something, but you feel better when you stick up for yourself. Instead of putting up with the little things that people do against you, is it maybe better to just hit them right in their faces, have it out and then go have a beer?

I’m beginning to think that the important part isn’t necessarily to keep your cool all the time. You are allowed to be pissed off. Certainly, there are times when you damn well better watch your tongue — like when you are addressing me.

Frequently, it winds up far better in the end for more level heads to prevail, rather than for people to say words that they will end up regretting. But other times, and you know the ones I’m talking about it, it is OK, even correct, to call people out as the jerks they are.

Tell Sam Morey what the voices in your head are arguing about. E-mail him at smorey88@hotmail.com.