Belief not necessary to find fun in the stars

All right, I’m going to admit it. I have a guilty pleasure.

No, I’m not talking about… All right, I’m going to admit it. I have a guilty pleasure.

No, I’m not talking about sweets, or even exorbitant amounts of greasy food for that matter – although I must confess I do enjoy both of those vices on a regular basis.

This one is different. It’s uncontrollable. Perhaps that’s because I can’t dictate it – the stars do.

That’s right, I’m an astrology addict.

Every morning I wake up, head to work, grab a cup of coffee and settle in behind my computer. I don’t even have to look my horoscope up – it’s e-mailed to me daily.

I can’t explain the fix I get out of knowing how the new moon moving into Virgo is going to affect my day. It’s there, though. I get a momentary thrill just knowing the stars have decided how my day is going to go.

The strange part? I don’t believe it.

It simply entertains me to think such changes in the universe could honestly direct that cup of Starbucks to spill in my lap or supply me with the winning numbers for Powerball.

What I find even more entertaining are the people who genuinely believe in it all.

For instance, I went to the beach this summer with what I considered to be a reasonable, level-headed group of people. I was wrong.

After a scummy hotel scammed the seven of us out of nearly $500 by requiring a “security deposit” that was not returned, we changed hotels. As a result, I assumed that we would all be watching our spending a bit more closely for the remainder of our time at the beach.

One evening while we were strolling on the boardwalk, a woman came out of a small shop. Directing her attention toward our group, she attempted to entice us into allowing her to read our fortunes. For a mere $30 each.

Now listen here, chicky. I saw the movie “Big.” I know what happens when you mess around with this stuff. Just look at what happened to Tom Hanks. He was catapulted into adulthood at the age of 13, missing out on his entire youth. Granted, all was well in the end, but we weren’t in a Disney flick.

Also, I’ve been approached before, much closer to home. Last year, I was walking down Forbes Avenue in broad daylight when a woman in her late 20s – who I had never seen before in my life – called me by name.

“Jessica, who in your life is important to you whose name also begins with a J?”

I instantly looked at my bag and my attire. Was my name anywhere? I looked around the surrounding area. A crazy homeless man shouted obscenities at a fire hydrant and a few business students entered Sennott Square, but no one was visible who could have been setting me up.

She went on for a bit, telling me I smiled on the outside but that I was confused on the inside, and she told me to take down her phone number so that she could give me a full reading.

I whipped out my cell phone, attempting to key the number into my phone book, but in my flustered state I was unable to save it. The whole time I was wondering whether she knew that I was really not putting it into my phone.

But I walked away, and guess what? I’m doing just fine.

Thinking about this as the beach fortune-teller approached us, I figured we would smile and keep moving. I was the only one who didn’t fork over the cash to have her read my future.

And – surprise, surprise – their fortunes all sounded eerily similar, kind of like how all the shops on the boardwalk have the same shot glasses for sale.

Unfortunately, none of this has quenched my addiction to online horoscopes. Until the stars strike me down with lightning or some other supernatural force, I will continue along my ignorant, merry way.

Or did my horoscope say I should stay in bed today?

The moon is in Aquarius today, and Jessica Popovich wants to know your sign. E-mail her at jrp32@pitt.edu.