Pom-poms are a no-no

Ah, fall. New beginnings, new classes, new notebooks and new clothes. The fashion industry… Ah, fall. New beginnings, new classes, new notebooks and new clothes. The fashion industry runs on roughly the same schedule schools do, so fall is the time of year when Vogue swells to the size of a phone book and stores are glutted with new styles.

This fresh start could not be more welcome, as some truly tired looks need to be put out of their misery.

The worst offenders are billowing peasant skirts (if I see that Old Navy ‘super skirty’ commercial one more time I’m going to lose it), and the endless variations on “ballet” flats. Unless you’re seven feet tall, they will make your legs look stumpy. Then there is that whole “flimsy dress over jeans” look from last summer that refuses to die.

Also in the annoyingly tenacious category are jeans so low they require a bikini wax and those ruffled miniskirts, many of which appear to be made out of the same material as sweatpants. In short, I have had it with the billowy, sloppy, “flowy,” bohemian/peasant look that has dominated the last few warm seasons.

When I saw Kate Moss glowering seductively at me from the cover of British Vogue several days ago, I nearly wept with joy. She is wearing a tuxedo-inspired sheer blouse with the first few buttons undone and the ties hanging untied, a tight, gray herringbone pencil skirt that she is poured into and a wide black patent leather belt fastened at her (prepare yourselves, this is a shocker!) waist.

That’s right, folks, the waist is back. The actual waist, the one slightly above your belly button. You know, the narrowest part of your body, where people had been wearing pants and skirts for eons until a few years ago. This single photo embodies everything fantastic about this season’s fashions, and leaves out all of the not-so-great trends.

The first of these that I would recommend avoiding is this whole military-inspired look. For whatever reason, once or twice a decade, designers all get hold of camouflage or French Foreign Legion-style berets and get a bit carried away. It was big in the early and mid ’90s, and I’m just not ready for all those brass buttons again. Every chain store will be selling knockoffs of military-inspired jackets and coats, with rows of brass buttons, structured shoulders, and too much piping. If you want to look like everyone else, go for it, but I’m going to be a conscientious objector on this front.

Along with the aforementioned jackets, Victorian-style blouses will be everywhere. While I appreciate the return to modesty their high necks and ruffles of demure fabric about the throat represent, unless you can afford a beautifully made high-end or vintage one, you’ll end up looking like a little girl playing dress-up. It’s a hard look to pull off, and one that, like the military look, comes around every few seasons — usually in the fall, as Victorian and Edwardian styling lends itself well to dark colors and boots.

Additionally, many designers have decided that pom-poms are appropriate for clothing other than bowling socks. This esoteric little mini-trend may take awhile to trickle down to more moderately priced stores (although I did see a pom-pom-bedecked scarf in H’M the other day, so the apocalypse may well be nigh), but if or when it does, stay away, for the love of all that is holy.

After we’ve waded through the pom-poms and army-navy surplus rejects, what’s left? First and foremost, the pencil skirt. It’s knee-length, which flatters almost everyone, can feature slits of varying levels of modesty, is versatile, and every store will carry some variation of it in the coming weeks. Pencil skirts either flatter the curves you have, or give you the appearance of having them if you don’t.

Additionally, patterned tights are big, as they were last winter, and are the perfect complement to more tailored, structured clothes. Mercifully, for those of us who have to wait for the ever-reliable PAT buses in the dead of winter, layering brightly colored tights under black patterned tights will still be fashionable.

As mentioned earlier, waistlines are finally coming up — though designers have been trying to push higher waistlines for several seasons now, I have a feeling that this fall it may take, if for no other reason than that we’re all finally tired of staring at each others’ belly buttons.

Perhaps a cold weather carryover from the straw-heeled espadrilles that were so popular this summer, are boots with wedge heels, along with brightly colored loafers and pumps with stacked heels.

Menswear-inspired women’s clothing is also big this fall. Tuxedo shirts and prep-school style blazers are everywhere, and if they fit correctly, can look really sexy.

So, when doing your back to school shopping, avoid pom-poms and overly frilly blouses and cover your navel. Your mother will be proud.