Wasting creatively in Pittsburgh’s summertime

So, you’re in Pittsburgh.

The weather’s getting hot, perfect for sunning yourself on the… So, you’re in Pittsburgh.

The weather’s getting hot, perfect for sunning yourself on the beach. But the only sand you can find is the kind they’ll salt the roads with in six months. But it’s great for a swim. It’s not too good that the rivers could kill any microorganism that wants to go for a dip, but at least you can cram into one of the remaining city pools.

How about going drinking with your friends? That’s always a classic. So you call them up. Oops, they’re not in town, or they’re busy working. Even worse, they graduated and don’t go drinking anymore. Before you start tearing your hair out from desperation and loneliness, there are several alternatives to wasting away your summer in the Steel City.

1. Begin a revolution.

Since most people around here seem to agree it’s time for one, pick a topic you care about (or at least one you saw on TV) and do what student revolutionaries do best. Print T-shirts, bang drums, and disrupt pedestrian traffic occasionally. If nothing else, it will take up at least a day and provide some entertainment for yourself and others.

2. Find a significant other.

It’s almost miraculous how a girlfriend or boyfriend turns a surplus of time into an energy shortage. And if you find someone of the needy ilk, you’re in luck. It’s a magical dance of meeting, flirting, dating, kissing, making out, making people sick, fighting, then eventually breaking up and pretending not to see each other when you go to the same parties.

And who knows, you may skip the last half of all that and find that special person you want to spend the rest of. . .something with. If nothing else, hanging out with someone you like, plus all the cuddling, is always a good way to spend a summer day. So get out there and declare your own summer of love!

3. Run.

Summer is a time when a lot of people turn a fit and desirable body into a ball of waste, because everyone has to eat. But the summer heat slows you down and instead of walking, maybe you’d rather take the bus, or drive in that air-conditioned car of yours. So, if you’ve got nothing else to do, put on something cool and go somewhere the old-fashioned way. Heck, run around the block if you want to. You’ll feel better about yourself and some of the local members of the opposite sex might notice you. See number 2.

4. Take yourself out to the ball game.

Okay, the Pirates’ record is nothing to scream about and you may not even be a local native, which means you wouldn’t cheer for them anyway. But Pittsburgh is home to one of the nicest ballparks in the country, no matter who is playing there, and once you get in, you get infected. Thousands of people cheering for the home team gets into you, and you find yourself doing silly things, like the “wave.” Student tickets cost less than the movies these days, and baseball is much more entertaining as well.

And, depending on your tastes, there are oodles of smaller things you can keep yourself busy with. One man I know barely remembers any of his summer because he spent 15 hours a day playing Grand Theft Auto: Vice City. You could also write letters to your favorite “The O.C.” character or buy lots of clothes at the Goodwill. There is an art to having lots to do in a short time and there is an art to having nothing to do for a long time. But don’t just waste, waste creatively!

If you’re really bored, email Michael at realityfactory@yahoo.com.