Arranged marriages infringe on rights

For much of history, many cultures have performed arranged marriages.

Occurring for so long… For much of history, many cultures have performed arranged marriages.

Occurring for so long in many countries, particularly in India where my grandmother is from, arranged marriages are still an everyday practice here in the United States.

How are couples chosen? How are marriages arranged? The way couples are chosen irritates me even more than the actual arranged marriage.

Believe it or not, the parents search through horoscopes, through friends and through marriage brokers. These horoscopes must match according to several different parameters. A particular score determines the compatibility of the couple in question. This score is tallied according to the parameters. Some of these parameters include level of education and social status.

After a match is made, the other half’s parents are contacted and they swap horoscopes. If both sets of parents find the horoscopes to be “compatible,” then a match is made.

Sure, the bride and groom do get the opportunity to see each other before the engagement, and in some rare cases, they are allowed to go places together before their marriage. However, their parents ultimately determine the fates of the bride and groom.

The couple typically can only go out together after their engagement, and when they do, most of the time their dates are chaperoned, depending on how traditional their families are.

If parents believe their children are old enough to be getting married, surely they should also be old enough to go on dates by themselves.

Sure, these marriages are not the norm for average American people, but it is still considered relatively normal among people of Indian descent.

Many people of Indian descent emigrated from India to escape slavery, some components of Indian culture and the governmental system.

Yet, after finally immigrating to the United States, they grow up, have children and still force them into what? Yes, you guessed it, arranged marriages.

However, arranged marriages are seemingly successful. They tend to have a far lower divorce rate than the “love marriages” that are the norm in the United States. But, a low divorce rate does not equal happiness or contentment within the marriage.

One who may enter into an arranged marriage would probably be less likely to file for a divorce or to even voice their grievances within their marriage.

With this in mind, if no one really talks about any problems within their arranged marriage, how could one possibly know the true quality of it?

About a year ago, one of my friends from high school was set up in an arranged marriage. Throughout her entire high school career she followed through with all of her parents’ demanding expectations of her.

Her parents had originally come to the United States hoping to escape the chains and restrictions on their lives, as well as to prosper freely and happily.

However, my friend isn’t happy. She has lived in the United States all of her life, so while she has been exposed to the culture of her parents, she has also experienced the ways of American living through the media and of course, friends like me.

As a result, she learned to love individualism and was not pleased with having to give it up to be tied down to someone she barely knew.

But not many people know she is unhappy. She tends to keep her unhappiness to herself and among close friends, in fear that her family would find out.

It is understandable that anyone who immigrates to a new place may want to retain some of their culture in order to maintain their original identity.

However, if people leave to go to a new place, they should at least try to adopt some of the new values into their own culture.

Children should be able to grow up and do as they please, even if they never get married.

If parents leave to acquire freedom from certain things, they should be sure to assimilate freedom into the upbringing of their children. They should not perpetuate the same oppressing environment that they originally fled from. Contact Leisel at log4@pitt.edu.