Various relationships complex, often confusing

Welcome all you freshmen. My name is Rose S. Afriyie, and I am your sex columnist. Since you… Welcome all you freshmen. My name is Rose S. Afriyie, and I am your sex columnist. Since you are a little new to the field, I’ll give you rookies a run-down.

I’m not pre-med and have no aspirations to be in the medical field. What I do have is a hearty fascination with sex and sexuality as they exist on this campus in today’s social context.

Expect it all: columns on pertinent issues pertaining to sex, stats to keep you updated on how far you fall from the finish line and, most importantly, answers to your questions. Equipped with research, personal knowledge and my contacts at the Medical Arts building, you can color me qualified to be your sexpert.

Although many of the questions I tackled last semester focused on relationships, they still merit an official discussion. We’ll take a look at the three most common relationships prevalent on Pitt’s campus: the casual; the beneficial friendship; the committed. Then we will see how sex comes into play with these three types of playmates.

We all know that warm feeling in our tummy we get the moment after our significant other calls. Some of us have a connection to that special friend who also happens to be especially attractive — they give us a little extra attention and aren’t quite like the rest of our pals. Then, there is involvement with what I like to call “purposeful people.” These are the ones who get sporadic or sometimes frequent calls in the late evenings or early mornings to — you guessed it — serve that purpose.

There are all different kinds of relationships we have with special people in our lives. Sure, there are variations of relationships that we share with moms, best friends and plumbers, but when sex comes to mind, images of mom quickly dissipate. The ones that replace them usually fall within the spectrum of those three categories

Let’s consider the casual relationship first. Essentially, it’s meant to be no-strings-attached. Sexually, this includes one-night stands, spring break flings or simply just spur-of-the-moment, uninhibited sexual encounters with people you know or whose first names escape you.

The disadvantages of these relationships are that you don’t really have a lot of room to negotiate the quality of sex. If you expect more from these ambiguous unions, you can wind up severely hurt and scoring high on the emotional Richter scale.

But there are some saving graces. As college students, we are reasonably young and are often not ready for the obligations a committed relationship brings. Casual sex, for those who can handle it, has the advantage of being free from what some perceive as the restrictions of a committed relationship.

Next, we have friends with benefits. This can also be an ambiguous relationship with potential to cause hurt feelings, because we have different expectations of our friends and how they should consider our feelings.

All is well and good until your partner starts reaping the benefits of other relationships, and the cost of yours becomes too high. Sadly, you also take the risk of losing a friend if it doesn’t work out.

On the plus side, some of the most intimate relationships have sprung from great friendships. Besides, if you are going to have sex with someone, it might as well be with someone you know; you’ll have more room to negotiate the quality of sex than in a casual relationship.

Last is the committed or the official relationship. Although there are no guarantees in any relationship, there is an automatic understanding of fidelity that avoids ambiguity. Also, you have the opportunity to get to know the person you are involved with, build an emotional connection in a positive way and inhabit a space to create understandings that not only enhance your sex life, but your relationship. You will have unlimited space to negotiate the quality of sex and a reasonable expectation for it to improve.

Every commitment involves sacrifice, though. There is a considerable amount of self-sacrifice made to have a healthy relationship, which often is a deterrent.

Also, not all committed relationships are ideal. In a lot of circumstances the aforementioned formula doesn’t apply and the emotional questions and the ability to negotiate sex can vanish.

Sex is one of those things that can forever change any relationship. Post-coital bliss can be bittersweet. You have more than just emotional and health concerns — any person you engage in sexual intercourse with could potentially be the mother or father of your child if contraception should fail.

The most important thing to know about any relationship is that none of us are perfect. At some point in your life, casual sex might seem ideal, while a committed relationship seems overwhelming. What you choose depends on what stage of your life you’re in and what you are ready for. Communication with your partner is the key.

At any stage of a relationship, it is important to understand what you expect of each other and how you define it. Keep in mind that unless you are in a committed relationship, it is difficult to provide sanctions for breaching an understanding. In other words, unless you are official, all bets are off.

Know your limits and guard your heart. This way, if it does come to an end, it simply means a new beginning for you.

Commitment or not, always, always, always have safe sex. E-mail Rose at sex@pittnews.com.