It’s not hot and neither are you, no swimsuit

The weather the last few days has been fantastic. This is nothing short of a small miracle,… The weather the last few days has been fantastic. This is nothing short of a small miracle, mainly because unless you’re living in a state of complete denial, no one can cite “ideal climate” as a reason for residing in Pittsburgh. Cheap living and french fries on everything, perhaps — but weather? It’d be like saying Jessica Alba’s amazing acting skills, not midriff, were the motivation for viewing the movie “Honey.”

Because the sun has graced us with its presence, quite a few changes can be observed: Classes are far less crowded and people have emerged from their cavernous apartments, taking up residence on their front porches. Overall, the mood is much more jovial after a monotonous and crude winter season.

It is important to welcome the changes that come with spring and embrace the fact that the outdoors are no longer a frigid and uninviting wasteland that dissuade any rational human being from leaving the confines of her toasty, heated home.

However, it is vital to face some cold, hard facts. We live in a Northeastern state that has its moments of sheer atmospheric bliss in the early moments of spring.

But don’t kid yourself — this ain’t Hawaii, or even the Jersey shore, for that matter.

Scattered throughout the few plots of greenery available on this campus the past week, I’ve observed some interesting and inviting scenes. There’s the usual stuff — Frisbees being tossed around and guys playing guitars or walking their dogs through swarms of sunbathers in an effort to pick up chicks.

All of these are totally typical, expected and welcomed when the sun is shining and the temperature has crept into the 70’s. What’s weird is that chicks have mistaken the pleasantry of admittedly warm, but not suffocating, temperatures with a massive heat wave, which justifies sitting out on the Cathedral lawn in nothing but a bikini.

I hate to break it to you, but this popular outdoor recreational spot lacks some critical components — sand and water — and therefore, is not a beach. It’s not a pool, either. In fact, the closest water source is that dinky fountain by the Cathedral, and to my knowledge, that has yet to be turned on.

The warm winds of April are not to be mistaken for the scorching humidity of July. Busting out your bathing suit at this point is like counting the Phillies out of the pennant race already — way too early and presumptuous.

I know some dudes might really welcome the nearly bare, pre-summer swimsuit sunbathing choices of some ladies. And a lot of the guys I know haven’t complained about such actions, but they have definitely poked fun at them.

It’s not fair to your tank top collection to skip over it entirely, moving right on to your bikini. It’s a gradual process, like learning to walk — you gotta crawl first. That, and it’s merely common sense that this is not just yet the proper environment in which to whip out your suit. It’s not that hot. No water to be seen. C’mon now.

Sit back, relax, throw a Frisbee and enjoy each season. Allow yourself to catch what spring is all about before rushing right into summer. Unless you’re in a dream where you were smart enough to go to an institution offering year-round warm weather bliss such as the University of Miami, in which case you should never go to class nor wear anything but your bathing attire, you go to Pitt. Here in the ‘Burgh, we settle for “character building” winters and French fries on everything.

Colleen Bayus refuses to lay out in her bikini yet, but is sporting a rather “pink” coloration thanks to her Irish heritage. E-mail her at cab2357@pitt.edu.