Growing up gay not easy, tolerating a lifestyle could be

I sway, standing in the corner, wrapped in my feather boa and donning ’70s sunglasses. I have… I sway, standing in the corner, wrapped in my feather boa and donning ’70s sunglasses. I have a lot of gay friends. Gloria Gaynor’s “It’s Raining Men,” is on the stereo. Outside, a rainbow flag shakes its booty over Meyran Avenue. There’s a little sparkle, certainly, a little bit of leather and an unnatural amount of rhythm.

Over in the corner, a boy I don’t know is talking about what he imagines a vagina to be like: an organ of myth and mysticism.

It gets jovial as the swirling mass of gayness rises in pitch and motion.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned in college, it’s that there’s nothing more fun than a room full of gay men. It seems as if the people most rewarding to know are the ones who have struggled the most.

From what I understand, it’s either get by or get left behind when you grow up gay. I’m sure it’s equally difficult for women, but it seems that there is slightly more acceptance for homosexual women than there is for homosexual men. Some places are universally more comfortable with homosexuality; some aren’t. The same can be said for people’s parents and families.

Homosexuality was first documented in 1337 B.C., when the Egyptian Pharaoh Akhenaten gave his male coregent the title reserved for his wife, Great Beloved of the King. Ever since, homosexuality has flitted its way through recorded history. In some cultures, homosexuality is ostracized; in others, it’s celebrated. Here, it’s apparently OK to be gay as long as you don’t talk about it too much.

I know we’re all American and free and equal and all of that. I know that gay couples have the right to civil unions in some places and the right to not tell when not asked. I also know that in name and by law, homosexuality is accepted.

“Will and Grace” told me it was OK to have a gay boyfriend and to make sassy jokes about difficult situations. Ellen Degeneres pioneered what Melissa Etheridge picked up. These powerful media figures have forced the acceptance of homosexuality to some degree through undeniable talent that’s just too good for the popular opinion to discriminate against.

I’m proud of all the gay people I know. It hasn’t been easy for them. Even though this society says it’s OK to be homosexual, the popular opinion does not.

People accept homosexuality to its face, but not behind its back. There’s always that moment of acknowledgement of gayness, the word “faggot” under the breath of the most macho and least secure guy around, the momentary reassessment of what is straight in the face of gay, gay, gay.

The more I find out about what it means to be gay, the more I respect it. Growing up gay seems to involve constant difficulty in being accepted. I can’t imagine that many parents, while hanging up their children’s baby pictures, say, “Lets try for a gay one next time.”

There’s a little gay appreciation in everyone, it seems, in the form of goading drunk sorority girls into wild college nights. Somehow, it’s chic for women to kiss women at appropriate intervals. It’s socially acceptable to fantasize about two women, kinky coeds to be exact, naked and doing it. But it’s marginalizing for people to approve of this superficial and cheap image of homosexuality, provided it’s between two sterile, conventional, plastic young women. Its seems as if this “gay” behavior has very little to do with being gay; those who expereince and encourage such behavior often have hostile attitudes toward real-life homosexuals.

All of these secondary issues dance around the point: Homosexuality is a reality of the world. Regardless of its origins and biological consequences, the Christian ideal of “love the homosexual, hate the homosexual act” isn’t good enough. Rather than harbor hatred toward a biological disposition that is unchangeable and oftentimes difficult for its carrier, let’s all get a little gay.

Some people are “solid” in their straightness, and feel that homosexuality is unnatural. People who are too straight fear their inner-queen. Imagine if every frat boy you know accepted every feeling he had. It would be a visored, khaki orgy.

Let’s all make the decision to view homosexuality as what it truly is: a triumph of character. It’s important to be OK with gay people both in name and in practice, to the face and behind the back.

As the Villiage People’s “In the Navy,” rises over this gay old time, it seems a little surreal. Homosexuals fill their own cultural niche. It sometimes involves the fabulous lifestyle of hors d’overurs, speedos and Charlotte Church. Sometimes not. Some of the images I’ve evoked here may sound stereotypical, but they’re just based on my experiences and friends. In truth, homosexuality comes in many cultural forms; there are truths and stereotypes, cross-dressing drag queens and repressed businessmen. Flamboyant, butch or neither, it’s perfectly normal. And it isn’t going anywhere. Acceptance of homosexuality has come a long way, but we’re not there yet.

Tell Rachel this column is gay at rachelvanwylan@calamitymagazine.com.