It’s time for spring cleaning in those hard to reach areas

Springtime is steadily approaching, and it is that time of the year again: spring cleaning…. Springtime is steadily approaching, and it is that time of the year again: spring cleaning. Here’s a crash course on the dos and don’ts of sexual hygiene. In addition, we’ll peek into the lives of the men and women who have dedicated their careers to sex: porn stars.

In “Complement Condom Use By Gargling, Douching and Washing After Sex,” Toby Marotta describes sexual hygiene as AIDS-prevention with cleanliness. For our purposes, sexual hygiene is maintaining a well-groomed, healthy lifestyle because our sex lives, and more importantly our lives, depend on it.

So here’s my advice:

To the gentlemen: Hygiene should include daily showers with a mild, antibacterial soap. Smelling clean is always good; smelling good, however, is always great, but never substitute cologne for soap. At least once a day I experience whiplash from a gentleman who chooses to accost me with his cologne. Avoid that.

It is important to note that uncircumcised penises need extra attention when it comes to cleaning the gland area, so retract the foreskin to prevent secretion accumulation. When experiencing unusual secretions, head over to the Medical Arts Building.

To the ladies: Similar to men, hygiene should include showering at least once a day. The vagina should be washed with mild and pure soap in warm water. It’s suggested to avoid soaping near your opening while cleaning the genital area, since it may cause irritation. Also, a simple three-word rule that should be implemented in both wiping and washing is: front to back.

Lastly, avoid douching and feminine deodorants at all costs. It may be tempting when you are on your period because your climate does change, but most vaginas, like most ovens, are self-cleaning. Douching washes away healthy bacteria and alters your natural pH level. It can also spread existing infections to the uterus and fallopian tubes or can introduce new ones that can lead to conditions such as pelvic inflammatory disease.

Moving onto more titillating advice: “How To Have a XXX Sex Life: The Ultimate Vivid Guide” offers porn-priming advice from greats such as Jenna Jameson and Kira Kener. For men, the No. 1 grooming tip offered is to make sure your nails are well trimmed and clean. Also, women prefer men who are cleanly shaven, if not from head to toe, then specifically on their faces to avoid rough stubble and coarse facial hair.

The book also notes that clean-shaven genitalia makes the penis look larger and appear cleaner. One tip is that an electric beard trimmer will give a closer cut than scissors or a razor. Remember, the testicle area is supersensitive, so shave carefully. For the men who are completely adverse to this, a weekly trim will suffice.

For women, shaving or waxing of the pubic hair generally looks cleaner and heightens a woman’s sensitivity during oral sex, but shaving minimally reduces the vagina’s enticing odors. After first shaving or waxing, wear boy-cut shorts for the first two days to prevent irritation.

Also, although we might not want to wear too much perfume, in your own private productions, it’s OK to spray your partner’s favorite scent in a few places, which they will associate with you forever.

Now that you’ve gotten your cleanliness crash course, here’s how to give one to your partner, if he or she is giving off a malodorous scent: 1. Put yourself in your partner’s shoes; consider how you would want to be told if it were you. 2. Make it factual. We all have off days. Body odor is a product of bacteria, not necessarily uncleanliness. 3. Make it quick. Don’t dwell on the problem. Dwell on a solution. Be suggestive of products, different habits and alternatives. Give them this column! 4. Never be adverse to a steamy, soapy session to tackle the problem head on.

Remember, even in the shower, always, always, always have safe sex. Next week we will feature three interesting, titillating questions, so please e-mail Rose at sex@pittnews.com.