Tips for bar-goers: Learn some etiquette or leave

A beautiful girl is running back and forth serving drinks in an overcrowded bar, giving the… A beautiful girl is running back and forth serving drinks in an overcrowded bar, giving the casual “Hey, how are you” just to be nice — she has to keep moving on to other customers. Then, without fail, some fresh-faced 21-year-old steps up to the bar and yells, “Hey blondie, can I get another drink here?”

Appropriately, the bartender ignores the customer, moving on to the customers who have been waiting their turns. The kid gets annoyed and starts waving his hand, trying to get the bartender’s attention as she hurries past where he is standing.

That doesn’t work either, so he holds his glass high above everyone’s head reaching out so that the bartender might pay a little attention to him. When it’s his turn to order, he gets his $7 Red Bull and vodka and an $8 Appletini for his lady friend and walks away without giving a tip.

Working in a bar for more than a year, I have seen this happen more times than you may think, and it always raises the same questions: “Who are you? Why do you think you’re so special?” and “Did your mother ever teach you manners?” They obviously haven’t given you a class on manners at Pitt or CMU, and if they did you failed it miserably.

I’d like to make excuses for these ignorant bar-goers by saying that some of them are still new to the bar scene, so they don’t know how to order drinks or tip properly. But then I remember back to when I was freshly 21 years old and how quickly became a beloved customer at a few of my favorite places.

I could make excuses for these rude youngsters, but it’s not solely the young crowd that doesn’t follow bar etiquette. It’s the older people who think they can walk into a bar at midnight and order a Bloody Mary.

My solution to all of this: Upon turning 21, every person who wishes to frequent drinking establishments must take a class on bar etiquette. Once the class is completed with a passing grade, the approved bar-goer will be given a drinking license. You can’t get into a bar unless you have both your driver’s license and your drinking license. And much like having your driving privileges revoked by the police, your drinking privileges can be revoked from any bar if you break the rules.

To pass the bar etiquette class, you must learn how to properly order a drink. Do not order a drink like a Bloody Mary at midnight; those drinks are reserved for breakfast or brunch.

Do not order something that sounds cool if you don’t know what’s in it. Just because you heard some fancy drink in the movie “Cocktail” doesn’t mean you have the right to go to Hemingway’s and order it. That movie is a movie for a reason.

You will also learn how to tip properly. If you are ordering dollar drafts at Hemingway’s, throw down a dollar every time you get a draft. If you order something like a Jack and Coke, which might cost you $3.75 or more, leave a dollar and whatever change you get. Don’t pick up the quarter — leave it, but leave something more with it.

If you are running a tab, you should tip at least 15 percent, and if the bartender for some reason likes you and has been hooking you up with free drinks, leave 25 to 50 percent. Actually, you shouldn’t feel bad at all about tipping them almost 100 percent — they’ll hook you up in the future if you do.

And finally, you might go to a bar to pick up chicks, but don’t hit on the bartenders or waitresses while they are working. It makes you look pathetic, and it annoys the hell out of them. Carry on a conversation with them, but don’t hit on them.

If you are asked to leave the bar, for any reason, whether it’s because you are too drunk or it’s the end of the night, just leave. I know you’re trying to get in that last-ditch effort of taking home the girl you’ve been boring all night, but do it outside. When the bar is closed, that means you are not welcome there any more for the evening. There’s nothing more annoying than people who are at a bar every day of the week and still don’t understand the concept of leaving at 2 a.m.

And one final note: The one person you don’t want to annoy, aside from the person serving you drinks, is the person at the door who lets you in.

If, after reading this column, you still break the rules of the bar, Brian Palmer will gladly show you the ropes and knock a little bar sense into you. E-mail him at bkp8@pitt.edu.