Greeks smash boards, tell jokes, dribble

Breaking boards with both his hands and feet, Hans Nam began his performance by stepping… Breaking boards with both his hands and feet, Hans Nam began his performance by stepping barefoot on a pile of broken glass. He concluded by breaking five boards with a flying kick over a row of female assistants.

Nam, a Kappa Sigma brother, became the Greek god for 2005 with a knockout karate demonstration that left the audience ooh-ing and ahh-ing Tuesday night.

Members of Pitt’s Greek community gathered in David L. Lawrence Hall auditorium to take part in the annual Greek God and Goddess talent competition. Hosted by Kappa Sigma brother Eddie Appelbaum and Chi Omega sister Lindsay Varga, the show benefited charity, raising more than $3,500 for the Elizabeth Glaser Pediatric AIDS Foundation, in addition to the $1,200 raised during Monday’s Greek dodgeball game. All 25 houses of the Interfraternity Council and Panhellenic Association participated in the show, and National Pan-Hellenic Council members made up a portion of the audience.

While Appelbaum explained that the charity event was “not just an excuse to drink on a Tuesday night,” Greek Week Overall Co-Chair Meghan McCaffrey defended the integrity of its cause.

“It’s for a philanthropic endeavor, and that’s how it should be,” she said in regards to the no-alcohol policy for Greek events.

This year’s judges included Chas and LuAnn Bonasorte of The Pittsburgh Stop outside vendor, as well as Pitt basketball’s John DeGroat and Marcus Bowman. Josh Cummings, kicker for the Pitt football team, joined them in evaluating the contestants.

After nearly three hours of talent-packed performances, judges chose the god and goddess. Chi Omega sister Brittany Taylor won first place, followed by Delta Zeta’s Erin Susalla and Delta Delta Delta’s Sarah Moyik. Taylor performed a sultry and energetic ’80s medley consisting of Madonna’s “Like a Prayer,” Alannah Myles’ “Black Velvet,” and Pat Benatar’s “Best Shot.” Donning a “Vote 4 DZ” T-shirt, runner-up Susalla was the first of three “Napoleon Dynamite” reenactments during the show. According to the judges, she gave the most accurate and entertaining version of Napoleon’s infamous Jamiroquai-inspired dance routine.

“DZ stole my flippin’ act!” Sigma Phi Epsilon brother Jason Cooke shouted before he performed his own version of the dance.

Runners-up for the Greek god title included Delta Chi brother Gino Vaccaro, who won second place with a dance routine to Notorious B.I.G.’s “Dead Wrong,” and Alpha Epsilon Pi’s in-house rap star Charles Crawford.

Zeta Beta Tau brother Dan Kheloussi performed a stand-up comedy routine, taking cracks at issues like the lack of breadsticks at Pizza Hut, uncomfortable interactions with Sodexho employees, and the plaid “half-ass” toga he wore that night. The jokes causing the biggest audience reactions were those about fellow IFC houses.

“They’re a lot like sperm: only one and a half is going to amount to anything,” he said of Sigma Chi members. Turning next to Sigma Alpha Epislon, Kheloussi paused as if he was deep in thought, continuing with, “I can’t remember — it’s almost like you slipped a Rufie into my drink or something.”

John Pendergast, of Pi Kappa Alpha, performed a version of Mr. Big’s “To Be with You.” Audience members got into his performance, singing along and swaying together. The auditorium twinkled with blue glowing lights as they put a modern twist on common concert conduct, calmly waving their cell phones in the air, in place of lighters.

Both Evan McNamara of Lambda Chi Alpha and Phi Kappa Theta’s Mike Prekop showed off their ball-handling skills by dribbling a basketball and juggling, respectively.

The show ended with Tau Epsilon Phi brother Myke Reiser, also known as White Lightning, performing an original rap.

“I ain’t no Napoleon Dynamite and I ain’t no karaoke musician neither!” he shouted as he came on stage sporting a Mohawk.

Between the first and second acts, participants paraded in togas to 50 Cent’s “Candy Shop” and afterward answered questions like, “What town does the show ‘Family Guy’ take place in?” and “Who is Carrie Bradshaw?”

This year, the three Greek governing bodies are attempting to unify their organizations. As NPHC members attended the talent show, Varga plugged their upcoming step show, to be held tomorrow night at Soldiers and Sailors. According to McCaffrey, the Greeks expect a large turnout from Panhel and IFC.