Americans need weapons of mass entertainment

The television is always on, at times even while we sleep. A constant stream of stimuli feeds… The television is always on, at times even while we sleep. A constant stream of stimuli feeds into our ears and eyes. Rarely do we have to deal with the truth of darkness and silence. It is only natural that TV programs intended for entertainment have become a viable source of news.

As Americans, we require constant amusement. While walking down the street, billboards tell us where to spend our money; blinking neon lights tell us what is cool. Silence is unheard of; too much time within one’s own mind is dangerous.

Our chief message is: Entertain me. I am an American; I can’t pay attention too long. Entertain me; make me laugh so I don’t mind as much when you educate me. I don’t want to read the news. People magazine and the Jen and Ben scandal are much more interesting. Keep me from the headlines on the legitimate newspapers; give me Tattoo World and the Weekly World News. I don’t want to know what’s going on in other parts of the world. I am an American, so the whole world is America. We’ve conquered it all. Our citizens think it’s all right to curl up on the couch and watch yet another reality TV show. Libraries are obsolete technology. Goodbye, Dickens and Austen. Hello, Donald Trump, tell me how it really is. I’ll believe you.

But this week, Seth MacFarlane’s new show, “American Dad,” premiered on Fox. Macfarlane earned fame and a healthy cult following with his first show, “Family Guy.”

“American Dad” is a cartoon filled with often-asinine humor and a talking fish. Its main character is Mr. Smith, a bureaucrat with a blinding fear of the Taliban and a close watch on the terror-alert level. The show pointed out a lot of the things that are fundamentally wrong with this country right now, and it did it in an intelligent and polite way. It expressed exactly the right things at the right time.

In the same way, people tried to make me watch “Futurama,” Matt Groening’s bonanza of cartoon freedom that he earned after his Simpson’s success, for weeks. A one-eyed girl with purple hair, a robot, an old professor and some sort of crab guy didn’t make any sense. When I could finally make myself pay attention, however, it was undeniably the most brilliant satire I had ever seen. The 20th century is seen from the year 3000’s point of view: All the cultural and personal inconsistencies, the strangeness of advertising, the ridiculousness of not protecting the earth — it’s all there.

It’s a good thing we have Seth MacFarlane and Matt Groening. They make the things we should know about entertaining. They make the things we should be learning about in the news bearable by decorating them with pretty colors and adding strange humor. MacFarlane and Groening have tricked us in the same way that John Stewart and Conan O’Brien have — by squishing little bits of news into the more important need for entertainment.

Try to read the newspaper. If you can’t stand it, then make an effort to watch intelligent television. You may not even know you’re being informed. It won’t be nearly as painful as all those little words on the front page of The New York Times. These shows give an overview of a general situation. There can be no detail, nor can there be a current event in the same sense as in a newspaper. But at least get the main idea.

So the message continues: I am American. I am more important than the rest of the world; I am exempt from paying attention to it. I am college-educated; therefore, people will validate what I say regardless of its basis. Even if I haven’t read a newspaper, I can complain about the state of this union as well as anyone. Thank you, Seth MacFarlane and Matt Groening, for being able to make public what the rest of us do not even notice.

If you really don’t care, then don’t pretend to care. If what you really identify with is entertainment TV, then watch it. The bureaucracy can’t hear you anyway.

Wait, that’s the problem.

Rachel Chunko is in the market for a talking fish. If you know where to get one, e-mail her at rpc973@pitt.edu.