Bobble-heads getting too big for their shoulders

The man who came up with the idea for making and selling bobble-head dolls that portray… The man who came up with the idea for making and selling bobble-head dolls that portray certain professional athletes is brilliant.

The one who said, “Let’s make them taller,” is not.

But someone listened closely to guy No. 2, and that is why, this summer, one could go to the ballpark and walk away with a free, bigger bobble-head, if they can manage to carry it home.

I’m talking about the new life-sized bobble-head dolls that are now for sale at MLB.com for only $11,999 (with free shipping).

Five major league ball players and one mascot are currently available to order, and all will look great in your living room. Unless you’re married.

Although there is an exception to that: What wife would not love to have a life-size replica of one of New York City’s most-desired bachelors, Derek Jeter, in her house? I mean, a man in the house who will never shake his head saying, “No.” Those bobble-head dolls should fly off the shelf.

Also available is life-sized Barry Bonds, without the steroid cream.

You want to find out if he was on steroids?

Just ask him, shake him and see what he says.

And Bonds is just what Pittsburgh Pirate fans have been waiting for. No longer do they have to wait for the San Francisco Giants to come to town to heckle their No. 1 enemy. They can take out a small loan, place the order for their very own Bonds doll, then take their anger out on it.

But even still, where to put your collectable, life-sized bobble-head slugger? Living room? Bedroom? Kitchen? There really aren’t many options for this oversized collectable item.

The original bobble-head was ideal for sports fans to place on desks in their office or maybe on a “shrine” devoted to their favorite team, but a 6-foot-4 Jim Thome doll doesn’t exactly fit on your ordinary desk. Not even Donald Trump has a desk big enough to hold the Philadelphia slugger.

Oh, but he could afford it.

In fact, he’s one of the few who can purchase it without having to re-mortgage his house. A person can actually buy a four-door Toyota Echo for $1,000 less, at a standard list price of $10,355. You decide which is the better buy. One is reliable and drives you to the game; the other stands and stares at you, occasionally nodding its head to let you know he’s still chillin’ in your living room.

Right now, the new “fad” only deals with baseball, but wait for the NBA to jump on the bobbing bandwagon. Imagine a Yao Ming model. Extra high ceilings would be needed to house this monstrously tall doll.

And this idea as a whole is ridiculous. I cannot think of a single person who would order such an item, except maybe a NASCAR fan. They buy anything that is supported by NASCAR. Just look at those tacky colorful jackets they wear in the ESPN exclusive movie, “3,” which was released on DVD before Christmas.

Even still, most NASCAR fans could not buy a life-size Earnhardt Jr. at its regular price. Perhaps if these dolls were $30, I could see some sports fanatic sitting on the couch at 2:30 a.m. watching “SportsCenter” for the third time and seeing the one-minute infomercial for the product.

Television flickers to commercial: “Do you love your Yankees?” says the voiceover. “Want to watch the game right next to Derek Jeter or Alex Rodriguez? Well, do we have an offer for you. For one easy payment of $29.95 you can own your very own, life-sized Yankee bobble-head doll. Cheer your Yankees on as they take on the Red Sox, with Jeter or A-Rod standing right beside you…”

“Hmm.,” I say to myself. “Is it worth my 30 bucks? Nah.”

Voiceover catches my attention once more, “And if you act now, we’ll throw in a free ‘Who’s Your Daddy’ T-shirt.”

Where’s my Visa card?

Jimmy Johnson is the sports editor for The Pitt News, and he wants to make it clear that he is not a fan of the Yankees whatsoever.