Being naked under clothes not nude enough for news

The cultural message coming out of Ohio seems to be clear: Gay marriage is bad, but naked… The cultural message coming out of Ohio seems to be clear: Gay marriage is bad, but naked women are good.

Sharon Reed, a female television news anchor in Cleveland, recently covered a story about a photography exhibit. Reed, however, was not dressed. She appeared on the air nude, giving the nightly news team record-high ratings.

The news director launched the story during November sweeps, looking to cover the story of a new installation exhibit by popular artist Spencer Tunick from a new angle. The exhibit featured Reed and hundreds of others in nude photographs, so the ingenious new angle was to cover the story in the nude. Reed said that she considers her report to be an important story about art.

The Federal Communications Commission, which is proposing a $550,000 fine against CBS for last year’s infamous Janet Jackson Super Bowl halftime show, will not take action against the Cleveland news team, since the nudity was after 10 p.m. After all, we all know that every innocent person is in bed after 10 p.m., safe and free from “Desperate Housewives,” Howard Stern and naked news anchors.

Naked news, however, is not only an American trend. Svetlana Pesotskaya on Moscow’s M1 TV strips to the weather, and topless Czech weathergirls aren’t afraid to reveal the naked truth.

Recent numbers have shown that ratings for nightly news programs are steadily decreasing. People would rather watch a “Friends” or “Seinfield” rerun. Fox News, CNN and even our local stations should follow the naked news trend if they want to boost their falling evening news ratings. But, if they’re going to follow this trend, they must take inspiration from the Cleveland news team and look to tackle naked news from a new angle. But this new angle, unlike the Cleveland news team’s idea, should not discriminate based on gender.

“The O’Reilly Factor” should be taped totally in the nude; the sight of Bill O’Reilly naked might better explain why he’s such a strong advocate for abstinence and why he’s always so angry. Peter Jennings should drop his shorts for “World News Tonight,” since, compared to other male news anchors, he’s fairly young and has a very sexy, intense look. Too bad Tom Brokaw and Dan Rather are leaving the evening news; I’ve always wanted to know who has more chest hair. Fortunately, Brokaw is being replaced by Brian Williams, a young hunk on the broadcasting scene that will have a few months to beef up before he takes over. Locally, many Pittsburgh women fanaticize about Ken Rice, and his great tan should show up even better when he’s naked.

To add to the list of naked women newscasters, Paula Zahn is an obvious candidate to boost CNN’s ratings, since she is a blond woman and somehow people still take her seriously. Diane Sawyer, who has built a reputation for being an intense journalist willing to ask tough questions and jump out of a plane for a story, is also a blonde and therefore would be an ideal naked journalist. Barbara Walters, a true pioneer for women in the broadcast journalism industry, should once again be a pioneer, taking broadcast journalism to the next level by hosting “The View” nude, showing that women of all ages have equal opportunities to be judged based on their naked bodies.

In the past, we’ve judged our news anchors based on their journalistic integrity, tough questions, years of experience, political knowledge and news-anchor hair. Now we’ll judge them based on their abs, how great their legs look without pantyhose, how hairy they are and how noticeable their plastic surgery is.

But why stop at broadcast journalism? The Pitt News should take the lead, and print out full naked pictures of all of the writers instead of just our headshots. Come on, I know you all secretly fanaticize about David J. McCarthy naked while you do the crossword puzzle and read about the annual Pitt basketball ticket controversy. Maybe The Pitt News will have to be distributed in brown paper bags between the hours of 10 p.m. and 6 a.m., but I’m sure readership, like journalistic integrity, would increase anyway.

Jen Stephan thinks if enough people ask him, David J. McCarthy will pose naked. E-mail her at jls259@pitt.edu.