Battle for Pennsylvania’s best fans

Will spectators become active participants in games?

In the wake of a brawl between players… Will spectators become active participants in games?

In the wake of a brawl between players and fans during a Pacers-Pistons basketball game, many people are wondering if this is a disturbing new trend in professional sports.

It seems a long time coming, with all the cheers, jeers and paraphernalia available to sports-crazed people. The astronomical price of tickets is a testament in itself to fans’ dedication. If someone is that dedicated to his or her team, it only stands to reason that the next step is to get physical in the zeal.

Some are worried the trend jumped from basketball to football, when a fan was kicked out of the Chicago Bears’ Soldier Field on Nov. 21 while the Bears were getting creamed by the Indianapolis Colts. His offense was insulting the significant others of Bears players.

Bears safety Mike Brown swore at the man before he was ejected, but Coach Lovie Smith reprimanded Brown for doing so. Apparently Smith realized that if that game became a brawl, the Bears wouldn’t stand a chance. They were already getting shattered by the Colts.

Bears linebacker Lance Briggs was more understanding than Brown, saying the beating of the Bears “got the best of the fan, and he wanted to take it out on us. It’s kind of understandable.”

I must agree with the esteemed linebacker. Watching sports teams beat each other up over a ball definitely warrants people losing their cool because the team that plays closer to their home is losing.

A column in the Minneapolis Star-Tribune assured fans that a repeat of the Pacers-Pistons game would never happen in football, because NFL players are better protected and farther removed from fans. I think we should change that.

In fact, with our fair state of Pennsylvania torn between the Pittsburgh Steelers and the Philadelphia Eagles, both leading their divisions with 10-1 records, it’s the perfect time to throw in the fans as the wild card.

If the Steelers and Eagles face off in the Super Bowl, why not empty the stands in Jacksonville and have the fans slug it out along with the players?

The only problem is that this would be a definite advantage for the Eagles, and here’s why:

First of all, I have two words for you: “Eagles Court.” I grew up in Philly, with their newspaper regaling me of fan exploits ranging from indecent exposure to mortal combat. They became so frequent that a courtroom was built in the basement of Veterans Stadium so that offenders, often with their naked bodies painted green and white, could be conveniently arraigned, tried and adjudicated without leaving the premises.

Face it, Steelers fans, you may be crazier, but Eagles fans are meaner.

Second, Philadelphians outnumber Pittsburghers 3-to-1. They may not be solid green and white, but while I’ve met few non-Steelers fans in Pittsburgh, a Philly advantage of more than 800,000 is hard to ignore.

As for the areas between our fair cities, I’m guessing an even split between “green counties” and “gold counties,” with Dauphin County, holding the swing city of Harrisburg, too close to call. There also might be recounts and accusations of fan fraud in the central counties, who tend to be “single-issue” fans, supporting lower hot dog prices or better seat cushions over all game matters.

Third, the Eagles have the “cheerleader advantage,” because the Steelers don’t have any. Some argue that cheerleaders aren’t necessary in Pittsburgh, because fans already know when to cheer. However, considering the average build, clothing and suggestive dances that cheerleaders display, enough Pittsburghers may be distracted long enough to meet their doom at the hands of Eagles fans.

So if Pittsburgh’s going to win this fight, Steelers fans have to keep their composure and start having more kids — lots of them. If the next trend in sports is violent fan involvement, we have to lead the pack with an iron fist — with an Iron City Beer in it.

Michael Mastroianni chooses no sides in this fight because he is a pacifist. Try to get a rise out of him by insulting his family at realityfactory@yahoo.com.