Past three months a breeze, next two weeks a storm

The past three months have been the shortest three months of our lives. From five-page… The past three months have been the shortest three months of our lives. From five-page papers, to 100-multiple-choice-question exams, we’ve smoothly advanced ourselves into the most festive month of the year.

But don’t get too excited. Even though the worst is over, the “worser” is upon us. Three months may be long gone, but the next two weeks are bound to seem twice as long. Prepare to subject yourself to the merciless academic abuse of your professors. Taste the bitter tears of hopelessness as you realize that no amount of extra credit points can return you to A+ status. Begin to face the repercussions of putting off that Sept. 13 homework assignment until Dec. 13. Not only will you have forgotten what the assignment was, but you’ll also forget what class it was for. And given the fact that you are deducted half a letter-grade for each day it is late, you now have a Z on the paper.

As you make your final attempt to change that D- in psychology to a B+, know this: The fact that you’ve been given your first and only assignment two weeks before the semester’s end is not a coincidence. It does not mean you were spared from a rigorous weekly workload. Nor did your instructor purposely choose to wait until the last minute to slam you with that 10-pager. In any case, write the paper and study for the exam. Make every effort to do the work as quickly and painlessly as possible.

The few and final weeks of the semester are known for high stress levels, heightened emotions and low productivity. But that doesn’t mean you should give up on getting anything accomplished. Understand that you are only human. No one can sleep, study, and hang out with friends at the same time. So prioritize: have fun, sleep, then study! If that’s too hard, skip the studying part and resort to just thinking about studying. That’s half the battle.

Don’t relax too much though. Sleeping in during an exam and turning in a paper that’s nine pages short of the 10-page requirement is a negative. I also strongly advise against blaming your academic shortcomings on a dog, cat or pet snake. Don’t try blaming it on your teacher either. Save all criticism for post-final analyses of teacher evaluations. At least that way you can save what’s left of your grade and only partially fail the class.

Listen, I know your stress level is at an all-time high. I know you’re deciding just now whether or not to withdraw from the class you never attended. But cheer up and chill out. Even though your college career may soon come to a screeching halt, the earth will continue to revolve around its axis.

So remember these two things: 1) Breathe. The repetitive process of inhaling and exhaling is essential and crucial to your survival. 2) While you spend sleepless nights studying for your exams, know that 60 percent of the studied material will never appear on the test. And the 40 percent that you do remember will be forgotten within one hour after you finish the test.

Finals week and the days before are only a tiny, unpleasant pebble in the barefooted walk of life. Pick the rock out of your foot and make your way into a perfect, peaceful and pleasant holiday. Good luck!

If you can’t remember 60 percent of this column, ask Joy at JoySep21@yahoo.com. She’ll be thinking about studying and waiting to hear from you.