Support the good party; write-in candidate wants your vote

Sen. John Kerry, D-Mass, and President George W. Bush are both controlled by corporate… Sen. John Kerry, D-Mass, and President George W. Bush are both controlled by corporate interests and, if the nation continues on its current course, many people will die from biological attacks.

These are the views of Caesar St Augustine de Buonaparte, self-described emperor and member of the “good party.”

De Buonaparte is one of the many write-in candidates running for president this election cycle.

De Buonaparte allegedly declared war on the United States in a letter sent to Congress in 1996. After 30 days, he declared victory by default. He then declared the 1996 election and the 2000 elections illegal.

De Buonaparte’s platform includes politicians passing a civil service test to run for office and placing trackers on all guns. Anyone whose gun does not have a tracker will face banishment.

“Any criminals get exiled onto an island with all the other idiots,” where de Buonaparte believes they will kill each other, he said. If elected, de Buonaparte will also repeal the anti-terrorism legislation known as the USA PATRIOT Act.

De Buonaparte claimed that items were stolen from his property, and that the government and corporations are forcing him to move from place to place.

“They want to kill me or distress me so bad that I kill myself,” de Buonaparte said. “I call it living murder.”

A Kerry or Bush election might have devastating results, according to de Bounaparte. “Eventually they are going to get us all killed with biological attacks,” he said.

De Buonaparte’s first action as president will be to “go after people” and to shut down the world with the army. De Buonaparte compared it to the movie “The Day the Earth Stood Still.”

Frederick Whelan, a professor of political science at Pitt, questions the value of write-in candidates in any national election.

Whelan wrote in an e-mail that, “Write-in candidates are pretty much meaningless in mass-election democracy,” because it’s hard to see how they can win or win enough votes to influence a major party.

Whelan said it proves that in “a free election everyone has to right to vote for the candidate of their choice, just as everyone has the right to be a candidate for any office.”

Other write-in candidates running for office include Michael “Mike” Bay of the National Barking Spider Resurgence and a candidate known simply as “Reality.”

Reality could not be reached for comment.