Can’t name a news anchor? Don’t vote

Today is the final day to register to vote in the presidential election on Nov. 2 and if you… Today is the final day to register to vote in the presidential election on Nov. 2 and if you are not registered, it probably means they have not gotten to you yet.

They are the six organizations spending a total of $40 million, according to USA Today, to coax, cajole and shame 18- to 24-year-olds to the polls next month.

One, Rock the Vote, has partnered with 7-Eleven to distribute voter registration forms in 7-Elevens across the country. Help decide your country’s future while picking up rolling papers and a Big Gulp!

Another, Citizen Change, is run by hip-hop mogul Sean “P. Diddy” Combs. Ah, P. Diddy fans: vacant-eyed, mall-loitering, white kids, capable of following the most surreal running gags on “South Park” but incapable of seeing the irony of their wearing FUBU; unable to name any member of the U.S. Senate but able to recite the entire roster of the Wu-Tang Clan; uninterested in history, science or English but endlessly fascinated by the capacity of the their cellular phones to send and receive pictures.

Sure, once these people turn 18, they have the right to vote. But why actively encourage them to do so?

It doesn’t greatly bother me that only 32 percent of young people vote, considering that, according to a 2002 National Geographic survey, only 17 percent of them could locate Afghanistan on a map, despite the fact that we were, you know, bombing it.

A study by Declare Yourself, another youth-targeted voting campaign, found that “feelings of political incompetence” significantly contribute to low, young-voter turnout. The study found that, among 18- to 24-year-olds not registered to vote, “61 percent say not knowing enough about politics or issues are among their reasons for not registering.”

Why didn’t Declare Yourself disband after discovering this? Why encourage people who admittedly know nothing about politics to participate in our political process?

That is not to say you should be a political junkie to earn your suffrage. But there should be some criteria.

On last week’s “60 Minutes,” commentator and angry, old man Andy Rooney said, “If you don’t know the names of your two senators, don’t vote. If you don’t read a good newspaper, don’t vote. If you’re a new citizen, wait another four years until you understand English well enough to understand what the candidates are talking about before you vote.”

I’ll add a few more requirements.

If you can name all of the finalists on last season’s “American Idol” but can’t name a single news anchor, don’t vote.

If a television spot where a candidate’s wife talks about what a strong, caring, compassionate individual he is has ever had any effect on your decision, don’t vote.

If your favorite political commentator is either Toby Keith or Madonna, don’t vote.

If you have ever seen a pun on a bumper sticker like “Nov. 2 Flush the Johns” or “Bush + Dick = Screwed” and said, “Ha ha, that’s funny! That changes my opinion!” don’t vote.

If you fit any of those criteria, stay home on Election Day, sit on your butt, eat Easy Mac and play Mario Kart. That’s what’s best for America.

Declare Yourself and other campaigns make voting seem like not just a sacred duty, but an opportunity to hold your head up high, proud to be an active, responsible component of our democracy. In reality, you are not helping our country by showing up at the polls uninformed, not really interested, and only because some glitzy media campaign told you to.

Vote. But read a newspaper, discuss politics with your friends, reconsider your views from time to time, and learn something about whatever country we are liberating into a parking lot. Voting should be one part of a well-rounded and continual regiment of political involvement. Be active beyond voting. And don’t let me catch you at the polls without overcoming your “political incompetence.”

Nick Keppler stays politically competent with the help of CNN’s brainy and voluptuous Heidi Collins. E-mail Nick at pnk6@pitt.edu.