Girls gone wild, boys not wild enough

Dear Tony,

I’ve been with the same guy for almost four years now. We started having sex… Dear Tony,

I’ve been with the same guy for almost four years now. We started having sex about a month into the relationship. I was his first. He was my fourth. My one ex and I were pretty, well, let’s say active. I used to go down on him all the time; we’d do S’M stuff and bondage. I was a lot more spontaneous back then, too. My boyfriend gets irritated because I don’t go down on him anymore. I used to always want him, and now I’m rarely in the mood for sex. He’s a great guy otherwise. It’s just that when I’m with him, I’d rather talk and cuddle than have sex all the time. Is there anything I can do to make him less resentful? Part of me wants to get out there and let the inner slut out, but I don’t want to leave my boyfriend.

– Wanting more

Tony,

My girlfriend and I have been together for two years now. I love her more than anything, but when she comes to visit me at school her sexual desires are so intense that I feel the more she begs for it and makes extremely aggressive requests, the more it turns me off. I definitely love having sex with her, but sometimes it is too much for me. It’s especially bad if she’s drunk. What do I do? – Wanting Less

We get a lot of mail. Half of it’s hate, a quarter’s incoherent, and the other quarter’s from people genuinely asking for help. From that solid 25 percent the question I hear most often involves a guy who’s not keeping up with his girl. The man has gone soft; the woman is looking for a wild stranger. (Contact Anthony at sex@pittnews.com.)

Yeah, I could drop axioms about masculinity from “Fight Club” or quote Susan Faludi, but life’s short, and we’ve all heard it before. So listen, guys: Handle your friggin’ business and either man up or bounce. We haven’t gotten one, not a single damn letter, ever, from a woman complaining that her boyfriend is too kinky. Never. Just lots and lots of bored college girls gone wild …

If you’re not happy, don’t spend months in angst awaiting the inevitable. Sever the limb. Curious, you weren’t the same person one year ago, much less four. If you’re not attracted to the guy anymore and want to slut it up, then go, before you really break his heart and/or he calls you a whore. I don’t care if he’s a “great guy,” and neither do you. And believe me, your boy needs to be with more than one woman before he’s done with college.

To the guy who wrote in: Usually a dude complains when his girl gets drunk and has wild sex with someone else. Of course, for all I know she’s whipping out a strap-on and you’re pacifying her with some frottage. The point is you don’t match. Save her the gas money and find a Pitt girl who prefers Dance Dance Revolution and watching television to sex.

For both of you, repression now is just going to cause problems in the future.

Tony,

I am a guy who just loves to jack off. The problem is I live off-campus, and it’s hard to get any alone time to do it. There is one place, and that’s the bathroom. The problem is there is a picture of Jesus on the wall. What should I do?

– Masturbating Christian

I don’t have any religion in me, but listen: God knows. God sees you when you’re sleeping, God knows when you’re awake, and God knows when you sexually defile a place of worship, regardless of denomination, believe me. Hellfire and damnation are still raining down on me for … a lapse in judgment.

Still, if you can use the bathroom in front of your god, it seems like it would be OK to touch yourself too. But, not being someone authorized to speak on behalf of the Gospel, I contacted 10 on-campus Christian organizations and inquired as to whether it was all right to masturbate in front of a picture of the Messiah. Most were not amused. One, thankfully, gave me this answer: God is everywhere, so it doesn’t matter where you sin (Matthew 5:28).

You’re going to keep beating it, so I say just move the picture. Either that or find a girl and masturbate in her bathroom.

E-mail Tony and Liz at sex@pittnews.com.