Names in the news

Reality TV guru Mark Burnett, who helped ruin the tube forever with shows such as “Survivor”… Reality TV guru Mark Burnett, who helped ruin the tube forever with shows such as “Survivor” and “The Apprentice,” has confirmed he wants to help Martha Stewart retool her show once she serves her five-month federal prison sentence for obstruction of justice and conspiracy related to a stock deal.

Burnett tells the New York Daily News that he is “very interested in reinventing” “Martha Stewart Living, which hasn’t been seen since Stewart’s legal woes began. He offered no specifics, other than to say that it would be essential to keep Stewart’s image as the arbiter of good taste and good living. (Maybe he should have her fix Donald Trump’s hair.)

“I look forward to working with her in 2005. Right now, she needs her space,” Burnett said, surely intending no irony.

BRITNEY SPEARS UPDATE

Cynics, mend your ways. As of last night, 48 hours had passed since their wedding, and Brit still loves Kev!

MADONNA’S APPEAL

Madonna ended her five-day pilgrimage to Israel with an appeal for peace on Sunday. She said the people she met during her trip “have one thing in common _ we want to create peace in the world.”

“We want to put an end to chaos and suffering … but most of all we want to put an end to hatred with no reason.”

RIVERS OF TEARS

With all due deference to “The View” hostess and all-around TV goddess Star Jones, we must say we missed her predecessor as E!’s red-carpet fashion commentator at Sunday’s Emmys _ Joan Rivers.

Jones’ face is just too real. Too natural. There’s nothing like Rivers’ surreal plastic surgery-augmented mask to serve as a perfect counterpoint to the stream of beautiful people filing past. Not to mention Rivers’ “I can WAY outfake you at being fake-nice” attitude toward the big stars. Jones was, uh, like nice for REAL.

LOREN’S DAY

We usually do not mark celeb birthdays. But this one has been making headlines around the globe: Legendary screen siren and the hottest hottie to ever grace the silver screen, Sophia Loren, turned 70 Monday.

Italian newspapers went nuts with declarations of love. “Happy Birthday, Sophia _ legend for a generation,” read the front page of the country’s largest mainstream newspaper, the Corriere della Sera. As for Sophia herself, she is reportedly having a quiet celebration with her family.

TAYLOR: I’M A-OK

Speaking of screen legends, the New York Daily News is correcting rumors (which, as far as we know, no one’s actually heard) that Elizabeth Taylor is in critical condition at a Los Angeles hospital. She’s not. The 71-year-old star is just fine. Well, not 100 percent. Her rep tells the tab Taylor suffers from compression fractures in her vertebrae, and is at home enjoying bed rest. _

STAMOS: I’M A NORMAL JOE

It appears the newly single John Stamos (who has filed for divorce from hot-elicious wife Rebecca Romijn-Stamos) is trying to prove that, like yours truly, he’s a total loser.

According to Star mag, the man with an eternally sunny disposition is thinking of finding a new girlfriend through a dating service. Apparently, one of his best buds married a gal he met that way.

We have just this to say to Stamos: You’re JOHN STAMOS, dude. You’re like, famous. And famous people are the people losers like the rest of us want to become so we can stop taking such desperate measures as … using a dating service.

REALITY PRIEST

Speaking of reality TV and the impoverishment of Western culture, London’s Telegraph newspaper is reporting that a new British reality show will set up a priest in a rural parish with a regular congregation of only nine people and charge him with the task of increasing membership.

But the show already has hit a snag: A Church of England spokesman expressed misgivings about the title of the three-part series _ “Priest Idol.” Mind you, the spokesman’s problem isn’t religious _ as in “idol” being too close to “idolatry.” It’s because “`Priest Idol’ is too reminiscent of `Pop Idol,’ and that wouldn’t be a suitable format.” Indeed not.

(Inquirer wire services contributed to this column.)

(c) 2004, The Philadelphia Inquirer.

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