The Pitt News editorial staff presents a warm, fuzzy blanket of advice

There are a lot of things you’ll learn in college, and only a few of them are taught in a… There are a lot of things you’ll learn in college, and only a few of them are taught in a classroom. Cobbled together for your edification and edutainment, here are a few shiny pearls of collegiate wisdom from the illustrious editors at The Pitt News.

Look both ways as you cross Bigelow Boulevard between the Union and the Cathedral. Just because the sign instructs drivers to yield for pedestrians does not mean they will. Oh, and watch out for potholes in the sidewalks. It really hurts when you go down.

-Cathy Denning, Layout Editor

So you all are freshmen and I’m a junior, which means that your class is the last class that I consider “fair play.” After y’all, I’ll be too old to get with members of the next crop, so you’re the last new pickins’. I’ll just have to make the best of it.

Also: Meet new people, have fun and take chances.

-Jeff Knox, Assistant Copy Chief

Get over failure. It happens, and if you haven’t failed at anything yet, then you just haven’t lived long enough. When you mess up and fall flat on your face — or your ass — just get up, dust yourself off, eat some chocolate and strategize for success. Also, this fall, be very wary of unnatural blondes with leopard print accessories.

-Maria Nicole Smith, Assistant Opinions Editor

Chances are, if your professor says something that confuses you, it probably confuses someone else. So, you know, say something. There’s no such thing as a stupid question, except asking if Joan of Arc was burned at the stake before or after she won a battle. That just makes you look like a hot fool.

-Sydney Bergman, Opinions Editor

Buy a plant for your dorm room. It’s almost as fun as a puppy.

-Jessica Lear, Copy Chief

Students are not the only people who live in Oakland. Respect your community and your neighbors, and they’ll respect you back. If you want to find out what people who have lived here all their life feel like, I’ll get some friends together and come over to your place, drink on your porch, and then throw the cans into your yard.

All of a sudden, staying quiet and buying a trash can don’t seem so bad, huh?

-Greg Heller-LaBelle, Editor in Chief

When drunk-walking home from South Oakland, try not to urinate on the bronze panther statue. Or, if you just can’t hold it, remember to stop peeing before you turn to face the police officer.

-Brian Palmer, A ‘ E Editor

If you begin to see anatomically correct details in your dorm room walls, you haven’t been getting out enough. Join any organization that will let you in the room; you can narrow down your interests later. No matter what you hear, there are no flaming weasels in the Towers’ heating ducts — yet.

-J. Elizabeth Strohm, News Editor

If you don’t know someone’s name, and you should know it for some reason, then ask them again, as soon as possible, or else you’ll be caught in an endless chain of avoiding glances of people you’ve met, but don’t know. Or become a hermit.

-Adam Fleming, Managing Editor

Don’t go to Hemingway’s and order 16 pints of $1 Labatt Blue. Wait, I mean, do order that many. Just don’t go stumbling down to Bates and steal an interstate 376 sign, which will hang nicely on any living room wall, especially mine.

— Jimmy Johnson, Assistant Sports Editor.