A city full of maniacs – and they all take my bus

As a Pitt commuter, the 61C is my savior. Every day, 40 minutes to campus, 40 minutes from… As a Pitt commuter, the 61C is my savior. Every day, 40 minutes to campus, 40 minutes from campus — except during the endless rush hour, when it takes about an hour — it is my somewhat faithful companion.

We’ve all experienced the trials of public transportation, and know that the only way to survive a long bus ride is with a long CD. In the four years I’ve been “riding gold,” I’ve gone through three CD players, trading in each for a more compatible model as the shocks on the bus make listening to a CD more and more difficult.

But, horror of horrors, what happens when the batteries die? That’s when the people-watching comes in. I don’t know whether to describe it as frightening or hilarious, but some days it’s like a live seat at Jerry Springer without the Jerry beads and flying chairs.

Have you ever noticed the talkers? I’ve found there to be two types: the cell phones and the orators. The cell phones feel the need to announce their private life to the entire bus, by holding the speaker of their phone to their mouth — this is very important; after all, even though they’re screaming, the person on the other end might not be able to hear them — and going on about their good-for-nothing man. Then there are the orators. You’d swear they were Ebert or Cowher because they must know everything there is to know about movies and sports. They obviously should not be working their job Downtown since they know so much about why the Steelers are still losing, or why “The Tuxedo” is the greatest movie ever.

On the subject of entertainment, how about the singers? Those lucky ducks whose batteries haven’t ran out — must be the pink bunny brand — must really love Luther Vandross and Mariah Carey. Unfortunately, they can’t sing like them. You’re sitting there, trying to read your Russian Fairy Tales notes when all of a sudden you hear someone screeching — and butchering — “Fantasy.” Must be getting ready for American Idol tryouts.

It also seems that you can’t ride these days without someone trying to bum fare off you. While annoying, one of the most entertaining occurrences is when a driver is in a bad mood and realizes the guy is trying to bum fare. One time, a driver pulled over in the middle of SR 837 between Homestead and Whitaker and told a guy that if he didn’t have fare, he could just get off there. Expletives were exchanged. The driver apologized to us, and left the guy standing on the side of the road.

However, nothing can possibly beat Ice Pick Man. One day, I realized I forgot to change my batteries right after I got on the bus. Two stops after I got on, a large man got on the bus and sat across from me. Pimpin’ would be too conservative a description of him. He was wearing shoes so white they hurt your corneas, white fleece sweatpants and v-necked sweater with a red collared shirt underneath, a red bowler hat, and he had with him a cane with a fist at the junction of the cane and handle.

He walked down the aisle, greeting his friends from the VA hospital and encouraging one to go on disability. He proceeded to tell him about the new car his disability checks were buying him next week. His friend complimented him on his cane, and he relayed the story of how he obtained it.

Turns out, he found a guy down at the VA hospital who whittled these canes. The guy had a cane similar to his fist cane, but with an elephant where the fist was. The vendor warned him it may not hold his weight, and, sure enough, it broke within a week. He went back, and the man told him he couldn’t get his money back. So he TOOK OUT HIS ICE PICK (the one he always carries) and told him he better exchange it! He told his buddy to go see him about getting a cane, and tell him the fist cane sent him.

Needless to say, I got a seat further back as soon as I could.

Don’t get me wrong, I am very grateful for the coveted Pitt bus pass. It lends a bit of entertainment to an otherwise monotonous commute. Now, if they would just do something about those shocks.

Daveen likes to listen to country music when she’s not watching out for Ice Pick Man on her daily commute. E-mail her feedback at drk974@pitt.edu.