Where to find third-wheel happiness

Dear Sex N’at:

I know! I know! Another damn question about threesomes!

My significant… Dear Sex N’at:

I know! I know! Another damn question about threesomes!

My significant other and I are a heterosexual couple who are looking to explore a threesome with another female. We have been open with one another and have set ground rules of what is allowable for everyone involved.

We are committed to one another, and any pursuit of a threesome partner will be for sexual excitement, not emotional fulfillment. We have searched by online means and have “come up empty” except for some e-mail exchanges and one “get to know one another” meeting that didn’t lead to any physical activity.

My question: is there any locale, entity, etc. within Pittsburgh where one can meet sexually adventuresome people? I realize there are no advertisements that scream out, “Females interested in threesomes located here!” or “Call, fax or e-mail your threesome requests to Menage a Trois Inc.”

But are there any local places with people — outside of escorts, prostitutes or bar frequenters — who can enhance the odds of finding an interested party?

Dear Looking for a Third Wheel:

No advertisement screaming out for women interested in threesomes? Um. Dude? Do you read the personal ads? Like, have you even looked at them?

Obviously not, baby.

The personal advertisements, particularly in the alternative papers here in Pittsburgh, are utterly awash in just such advertisements, and you should consider placing one of your own, or answering one that suits your fancy.

The racy personals are usually separated out from the stodgier ones with names that include words like “extreme” or “anything goes.” Many have sections clearly labeled “alternative lifestyles,” or “adults only,” which may seem intimidating, but the vast majority of the ads are very much along your lines — folks in open marriages, couples seeking another party, or singles looking to participate with established couples.

They are very clearly set off, and are often in the section where the “massage” services are offered, near the photos of barely-clothed folks offering telephone services. Often the most scintillating things in the paper, these can get very specific without being graphic, so it shouldn’t be too hard to become conversant in the peculiar language they use. Read them for a while, and you’ll have no doubt what “BiBF/BiWM seeking GWM for no-strings fun” means.

In addition to the newspapers, there are swingers’ magazines available at naughty bookstores in the city or online, but these may be a bit extreme for you two. These publications are usually used by folks who are devoted to the swinger lifestyle, and they are often married and seeking long-term arrangements, often with other married couples. They sometimes include photos. You might not want to look — they aren’t usually Calvin Klein models.

The fact that you already have your parameters set is a good step in the right direction, and you can toss it into your advertisement. I can recall reading an advertisement in a Philadelphia paper from a pair of lesbian vegans in search of an obese male vegan for them to humiliate and punch. So, really, you can probably be pretty precise about your desires.

I’m not sure why your online attempts didn’t work, except that perhaps the attraction just wasn’t there for your prospect. Keep trying, and keep meeting people. The right third wheel will roll your way.

Melissa Meinzer assures you that the people in swinger mags who say “looks unimportant” aren’t kidding. Ask her a question at sex@pittnews.com.