From O.J. to Tyson, Dan Patrick has stories

Dan Patrick knew he shouldn’t have asked, but when O.J. Simpson asked him to play golf, the… Dan Patrick knew he shouldn’t have asked, but when O.J. Simpson asked him to play golf, the temptation was just too much.

“Do guys joke with you when they play golf?” Patrick asked Simpson.

“Oh, yeah, yeah,” Simpson said. “‘Glove don’t fit, you must acquit,’ ‘Hey, Juice, you dropped another glove.'”

And then Patrick couldn’t help himself.

“When you hit the ball left to right, do guys — ?”

“Oh, yeah; they say ‘Hey, Juice, you sliced another one,'” Simpson replied.

The audience members burst into incredulous laughter at the story, and Patrick waited before telling them that “the interview ended right after that.”

Patrick, one of ESPN’s most recognizable anchors and interviewers, came to Pitt Monday night, thanks to Pitt Program Council. He began the program by taking off his clothes, removing his jacket, tie and dress shirt to reveal the canary-yellow Oakland Zoo shirt that brought cheers from the packed William Pitt Union Assembly Room.

Using a question-and-answer format throughout the evening, he answered questions about everything from the broadcasting business to Mike Tyson threatening his life.

“He took off his microphone and he looked at me and he said, ‘I don’t know you well enough to miss you after I kill you,'” Patrick said. “I said, ‘I guess the interview’s over.'”

Patrick does his own writing for highlights on SportsCenter, the morning sports news show where Patrick has worked for years. All anchors follow the same practice, he said, meaning every catch phrase, pun or made-up word viewers hear was written by the person who said it.

“If you do it in your own words, that’s key,” he said. “The hardest part is someone telling you to be yourself. I don’t know who I am … but writing will help you be yourself. It puts you in a comfort zone.”

Patrick also referenced his constant self-inundation with sports knowledge — knowledge he demonstrated by responding to questions without pausing, as if he was on display at every moment. His answers were snappy, informed, often funny and sometimes emotional.

On Maurice Clarett: “I think it’s difficult to tell someone not to go make a living. The NFL’s worried about their product being watered down. The NFL has other issues to worry about.”

On earlier days of SportsCenter, with Keith Olbermann, before there was a makeup artist: “That’s demoralizing. Grown frickin’ men, and I’m putting on makeup. And I like it.”

On the termination of ESPN’s hit drama “Playmakers:” “The NFL is Big Brother. And when Big Brother talks, you listen.”

On what to do with Pete Rose: “Put him in the Hall of Fame, put him in a room, lock the door, tell him to shut up, then go away.”

On meeting legendary athletes: “You want him to live up to the person on the screen … Then you’re having a beer with Larry Bird, and he’s calling you an asshole, and you like that.”

On Collegiate athletics programs: “You’ve got colleges that are appendages of sports teams.”

And on Pitt’s departed basketball coach Ben Howland, who now coaches UCLA, where legendary Bruin coach John Wooden sits behind the bench at every game: “That’s like being a priest and Christ is right behind you every day.”

Patrick said that sports is the only topic he could do for a living, and his fandom was never more clear than when he talked about steroids in baseball

“Bonds came out and said ‘You can test me every day.’ Well, no, we can’t. The players’ association won’t let us.” Patrick said, adding, “Uh, Mr. Bonds, could you pee into this cup?”

Saying he felt cheated by players’ use of steroids, Patrick expressed some doubt about players who go from 180 pounds to 230 in a single off-season.

“We’re supposed to go ‘Hey, you’ve been working out.’ No shit,” he said.

Patrick spoke the day after the first showing of the new ESPN reality series “Dream Job,” in which 12 contestants try to become the next anchor of SportsCenter.

“I don’t want jobs handed out like paper routes,” he told press members in a conference before the event. “I think we’re sending the wrong message.”

“I’m not saying what I do is rocket science,” he said, “but if you do live TV, and if you do it in a format like ESPN, You. Better. Know. Your. Stuff.”

The night ended, appropriately, on a question about Pitt and an emotional response from Patrick.

“Do you think Pitt can make the Final Four?” one student asked, adding, “and do you think they should get more respect and attention from the national –“

But Patrick cut him off.

“Don’t do the respect or attention thing,” he snapped. “There’s nothing better than a team just playing, and then us waking up, and we missed it.”

His face pink and his hands flailing as much as they had any other time that night, Patrick talked about the Carolina Panthers, the New England Patriots and other teams that had complained about not getting respect until they were in the championship game.

“You don’t want respect,” he said. “You don’t need respect. You earn it.”

There was a brief pause, one of only a few that night, before his smile cracked and, looking down slightly, he added, “I didn’t mean to yell at you.”

About 30 seconds later, Patrick left the stage to a standing ovation and a crowd of hungry autograph-seekers.