No flow? It’s easy, read the small print

The Food and Drug Administration recently approved Seasonale, a birth control pill that… The Food and Drug Administration recently approved Seasonale, a birth control pill that allows women to have only four periods a year. Three cheers for science, for exploring ways to make periods less of a pain of in the ass, but this is really nothing all that special. Gynecologists have been telling patients for years that they can do the same thing with an ordinary once-a-month pill pack.

Did yours? An article on Seasonale in the City Paper mentioned that many women don’t know they can manipulate their cycles. After asking around, I realized a lot of women are in the dark about birth control information that I figured was common knowledge. Much of it is far more important than how to avoid a monthly mess. So for those women who never got a copy of “Our Bodies, Ourselves,” let me tell you a few things.

First of all, taking your pills three times a week is ineffective. I remember so many girls in high school laughing about how often they forgot to take theirs. I realized that most of them never developed a way to remember to take them. They’re older now, but they’re not any more responsible. But hey, if getting three periods a month doesn’t cause you to change your forgetful ways, what will?

For those who’ve trained themselves to swallow that happy little pill once a day, congratulations, but there are still some things you may not realize. Many women are stunned to learn that some antibiotics and anti-depressants reduce the Pill’s effectiveness, despite this information being written right there in the little packet. I usually skip the small print on most things, but fortunately, my medically skeptical mother taught me to be neurotic about pill interactions. Learn from my mom and me: read the damn packet!

I found out something else surprising: smoking marijuana reduces the Pill’s effectiveness. Ah, gender inequality at its finest: pot lowers men’s sperm count but causes women to be aggressively fertile. No doctor ever told me that, probably under the stupid impression that to give out such information would be acknowledging the prominence of drug use. Leave it to the enlightened women of Planned Parenthood to keep women informed about such taboo subjects. While I’ve also heard that drinking can reduce the effectiveness of the pill, I can’t find anyone reputable to confirm that, so for now, don’t worry. Still, I think I might stop washing down my birth control with Yuengling for a while.

Knowing how to avoid regular periods is convenient, but not crucial. What’s important is being aware of how to avoid pregnancy. It takes a little bit more work than walking over to Eckerd to get your prescription filled. Of course, most people realize that. Unfortunately, not all do. I’m not trying to insinuate that I’m more educated about women’s health issues than everyone else. But unfortunately, we’ve all sat through inadequate sex-ed classes where teachers didn’t tell us everything they should have. Many of us have doctors that don’t always see fit to keep us as informed as we need. Also, sometimes we’re just too busy to take the time to investigate medicine we think we know enough about.

Once we know all the facts, we can stop giving each other high-fives when our periods come and start complaining again, like real women do. So fill your heads with knowledge, go forth and fornicate with peace of mind.

E-mail Jen Dionisio at jdd36@pitt.edu.