The love for a brave man who wears his whitey-tighties in blizzards

I have a proposal for all you males out there. It’s a simple request, but I’ll need your… I have a proposal for all you males out there. It’s a simple request, but I’ll need your cooperation for it to work. I think the University of Pittsburgh’s campus needs to have its own “Naked Cowboy.” Yeah, it’s cold out there – really cold – but prove your manliness to Oakland’s women by stripping down to your tighty-whities – I’ll be nice and let you wear a scarf – to gain the recognition and the admiration of Pittsburgh’s most worthy women.

Before my proposal, however, here is a brief history for those of you who are unaware of who the Naked Cowboy is and what he stands for.

NC’s real name is Robert Burck, and he is a man who loves the spotlight and isn’t afraid to do what may be thought of as shocking to some for the attention he well deserves. After all, any man able to wear nothing but a tiny piece of cloth in a blizzard is worthy of a picture or two.

As mentioned on his Web site, the idea came to him on May 5, 1998, when the Naked Cowboy went out to New York City and showed up at the Ed Sullivan Theater in hopes that David Letterman’s camera crew would get a shot of him and launch his stardom. He didn’t exactly find the reaction he was looking for when security asked him to put some pants on and leave. Burck wanted to become the “most celebrated entertainer of all time.” Years have passed, and needless to say, Burck is not getting asked to cover up his whites.

Why the need for a naked cowboy, you ask? A visit to New York City over winter break gave me the idea to call upon you boys out there. Perhaps it’s because the time away from NC has been miserable for me. I miss him. I believe we had a connection and told the cameraman – my brother – about my feelings that were rapidly developing over the last month. My brother thought I had gone half mad. I just knew that I wanted my own Naked Cowboy very much.

To a passerby watching the situation, perhaps I did appear a little odd. Maybe a person would have thought so because of the way I shoved myself to the front of the crowd, knocking over the younger girls that were standing before this god with their hands clutched to their prepubescent chests. Or perhaps it was because I made him take about six pictures of me with my arm around the Naked Cowboy’s tanned body, somewhat close to his lower backside – completely unintentional, of course.

Oakland, I’m in love. I think I truly found the man I’m supposed to be with. Think about it. Who wouldn’t wish to find themselves having a crush that makes her feel like she’s in a car speeding over bumps? I am in love with a man I don’t even know, except that he likes to wear barely-there underwear in front of thousands of strangers and pose for flashing cameras held by brothers such as mine for a girl such as myself in his cowboy boots.

After realizing I had just put my hands on the Big Apple’s icon, I found myself contemplating many questions. For instance, does NC get cold, and how does that work out for a certain area? Do his underwear cut off circulation, perhaps putting blood flow down there in jeopardy? But as En Vogue says, “What a man.” He sacrifices quite a bit to bare it all. What he needs is a nice cowgirl to come home to who will make him a warm bath and cook a piping-hot dinner to heat him up.

I would love to be NC’s cowgirl, much like a muse in a Shakespearean play. Moving on to the reason for my suggestion to have a naked cowboy on campus – spring is ahead and romances will be in bloom. Who better to be your valentine than your very own singing Naked Cowboy?

First, you need a name. The Naked Cowboy is great, but there is a copyright law out there against anyone “borrowing” his name. We don’t need to see Oakland cops arresting some poor guy in briefs on his first day.

Second, you need not be afraid of showing some skin to the bundled up Pittsburghers, and get naked. Or at least close to it. We also don’t want our eye candy to get arrested for indecent exposure. Instead, why not go with underwear, Naked Cowboy style, but with the markings of blue and gold. Get some school pride.

Lastly, you need a gimmick. You’re a college student. Get creative.

While I would love to see my very own Naked Cowboy, trust me, I believe his exact words were “Bye, sweetheart,” as I departed Times Square, I know the chances are slim, but in the weeks ahead, I will peek my head out my apartment window, hoping for a glimpse of a guy in briefs.