Showering could be hazardous to your health

Violent murder in “Psycho.” Spider attack in “Arachnophobia.” Masturbation in “American… Violent murder in “Psycho.” Spider attack in “Arachnophobia.” Masturbation in “American Beauty.” Finding unnerving shower scenes in Hollywood isn’t too difficult. Obviously, the movie industry is sending a powerful message: showers should be avoided. Americans may be fat and superficial, but, gosh-darn-it, we’re clean.

The average American showers once a day. Yet daily showers are not only a waste of time and money, but also a health hazard. I’m not suggesting you should never shower, just less often – say, every other day. If you already practice this, then good for you. You may stop reading this and continue on to the crossword puzzle.

With finals approaching, students willingly give up their first born to gain extra minutes for cramming and buying papers off the Internet.

Stopping excessive showering is a quick way to add length to your day. Including pre-and post-shower activities, the average time needed for bathing is 20 minutes. Triple that if you’re a female age 12 or above. By my calculation, over the course of a lifetime, people spend an average of 511,000 hours in the shower.

That’s an extra year you could spend making out, watching “The Young and the Restless” or eating ice cream. Speaking in instant gratification terms, that’s 20 more minutes you can dream about Justin Timberlake or Britney Spears dating you to make the other jealous.

Plus, bathing daily isn’t getting you as clean as you think. Due to many soaps’ chemical content, after a shower, the skin’s pH rises, making it more alkaline, which allows an increase in bacterial growth. Furthermore, a study conducted in the late 1990s by the Environmental Working Group discovered 10 million people in 374 communities across 12 states were exposed to at least one weed killer in their water. Um, gross.

If there’s one thing college students need more than time, it’s money. Showering daily is hardly a practical investment. Shampoos, conditioners, body washes, body scrubs, soaps, loofahs, washcloths, towels, hairdryers, defrizzers, curl enhancers, shower radios, shower mats, cleaning supplies – these seemingly innocent products add up in cost. The less you use them, the less you buy them. It’s so simple, yet so genius.

Water is another bathing necessity. In fact, a quick five-minute shower uses 50 gallons of water. I don’t want to believe it, either, but my parents insist that water isn’t free. And hot water needs energy to be heated, which also happens to be costly. Clearly, showering is money down the drain. Pun absolutely intended.

As if showers didn’t violate us enough by snatching away our precious time and money, they threaten our lives. Nobody wants to die in a shower accident. It’s a lackluster way to go, and you’re naked, which is awkward for everybody. The bathroom, with all its hard, pointy surfaces and slippery floors, is easily the most dangerous room in the house. My grandmother didn’t die directly in the shower, but she slipped, then grabbed the towel rack, which fell, causing her to fall and her leg to break. She died four years later. For all we know, the shower incident could have resulted in her death.

According to the Allergy and Asthma Network Web site, molds commonly found in shower stalls can cause nasal and sinus congestion, burning eyes, cough and irritation of the nose, throat and skin. Some molds have even been linked to depression and cancer. And plenty of students are currently experiencing the wonderful world of communal showers, a breeding ground for athlete’s foot. The less often you step into the shower – aka death trap – the safer you’ll be.

It’s tough to get used to the idea of taking fewer showers. But Europeans have done it forever. If you think showering less will make you less appealing, you’re mistaken. Any fashion magazine will tell you that hair looks better the day after a washing than it does the day of. It styles with ease and radiates a Pantene Pro-V shine. The human scent is a natural aphrodisiac. Want to stop showering so much, but are still self-conscious about how you smell? Add perfume or cologne to your holiday wish list.

But this less-showering novelty needs to be approached carefully. If you can’t stand the smell of yourself, hit the showers. If your ponytail holder keeps slipping out due to your hair’s grease content, it’s time to suds up. Or put on a hat.

Maria doesn’t have time to shower, but she has time to read e-mails. She can be reached at mdw49@pitt.edu.