There simply isn’t enough kissing going on around here

Some of the best advice ever offered can be found on the little candy message hearts that show… Some of the best advice ever offered can be found on the little candy message hearts that show up in the millions around Valentine’s Day. The words of wisdom are a short but powerful imperative statement: “Kiss Me.”

Not nearly enough kissing goes on in America, and the kissing that does rarely receives enough praise. When Europeans greet each other, at least one kiss on the cheek is involved, usually more. Even if you’re meeting for the first time, you can be sure lips will be grazing your cheeks. Having experienced this in Germany and Italy, my roommate and I often reflect on the fact that the double-cheek kiss evokes feelings of welcome and warmth that an American handshake and 4-feet-between-us distance simply can’t.

As for the kissing that does occur, it hardly receives enough credit. Friends don’t want to hear about kissing; only when things go beyond first base are the stories considered interesting. While sex is an unparalleled act of love and pleasure, that doesn’t mean kissing should be ignored or underrated. However, there seems to be such an emphasis on everything after kissing that kissing itself doesn’t get the recognition it deserves. Aside from the pleasure principle, that ineffable kiss has plenty of other benefits as well.

Kissing is good for your health. Once you’re kissing someone regularly, attention to dental hygiene skyrockets. You’re brushing every half-hour and you finally begin flossing. Kissing increases saliva production, which helps prevent tooth decay. Also, bad health habits don’t stand a chance against a good make-out session. You can’t smoke cigarettes, do drugs, drink alcohol, or eat unhealthily while engaging in lip connections. Furthermore, kissing can burn around 100 calories an hour. Bye-bye, treadmill; hello, tonsil hockey.

Convenience is another one of kissing’s great qualities. With cell phones, Palm Pilots and wirelessness everywhere, a portable mode of affection fits perfectly in to anyone’s on-the-go schedule. You can usually kiss anywhere without offending anyone and still express your care for another person. But to avoid giving public kissing a bad rap, keep it to quick, clean pecks. At the Pitt vs. Syracuse football game, I witnessed a bizarre peck/tongue combination that almost made me lose my just-eaten $3 bag of Heinz Field peanuts.

And who isn’t busy these days? With homework, classes, jobs and partying, finding time to be affectionate can be stressful. Kissing is quick. If you do it right, you can create an incredible kiss in seconds, plus you won’t have to bother showering or cuddling afterward.

Additionally, relationships indisputably benefit from a strong emphasis on kissing. Let’s face it. One day you’re going to be old and decrepit. Kissing may be the only act you’re physically capable of performing with your equally feeble partner. If you’ve spent your whole life perfecting and enjoying kissing, having this as your only form of sensual contact will be nothing to complain about.

And unless you’re a really great ventriloquist, you can’t argue when you’re kissing. Nothing seems to quiet even the most riled-up person like a great kiss. The intimacy of kissing exceeds any other act. According to the Guide to Getting It On, troubled couples stop kissing on the lips long before they stop having intercourse. A friend of mine had mononucleosis last year, a contagious disease that prevented her from kissing her boyfriend for months. While she was able to do “other stuff,” she told me she would have gladly given all that up to be able to kiss again.

If you think kissing eventually gets boring, you might be with the wrong person or lack creativity. One of the greatest aspects of kissing is its vast range. There’s the quick greeting peck. And then there’s the mind-blowing, your-whole-body-feels-it, so-this-is-what-heaven-feels-like kiss. Not to mention everything in between. Not that you ever needed an excuse, but now that you know the endless benefits of smooching, make like a Hershey’s chocolate and kiss.

Maria wants her parents and brother, loyal readers of her column, to know that she has never kissed anyone. She can be reached at mdw49@pitt.edu